ARE YOUR REGRETS WRAPPED UP IN YOUR HEAD LIKE YOUR GRANDMA’S UGLY CHRISTMAS GIFT? HERE’S A GUIDE TO RIPPING THE RIBBON AWAY AND BREAKING FREE:
Regret is like being given a bad gift at Christmas.
Morning comes, you’re in your Christmas-themed onesie, ripping paper like your life depends on it and out of a box emerges… an utter monstrosity. You’ve been given a lumpy, grossly colored sweater that you’d never be caught dead in. It won’t go with any of your clothes, and it hides every proud curve you worked so hard to get. You can’t even re-gift it to a fellow vina because you wouldn’t wish that sweater on your worst enemy. You hold it up, a stiff smile on your face, false gratitude oozing from your pores and the stench of displeasure roiling off of you.
Regretisthat horrid ugly sweater. It’s buried in the back of your closet, mocking you from the shadows. How do you get rid of it? You can’t just put it in the bags of donation clothes that live in your trunk for months, and you certainly can’t just throw it in the trash. The only way that ugly sweater will stop glaring, darkly at you is if you show it who’s boss- it doesn’t own you, you own it. Put it on and slay; slay so hard you start a new trend.
All metaphors aside (and it was a long one- tldr, amirite?) there are steps to coming to terms with your regret. It might be a dark winding road but in the words of the great vina, Mae West, “I never promised it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.”
First, you have to admit that something went wrong. Take on the consequences like the fierce vina you are and move on. Take the blame; even if it wasn’t entirely your fault, you were part of what happened, and maybe you could have done something different. I know it sounds awful, but there are freedom and power in taking the blame- it begets that fierce vina strength I know you have. You can’t change the past, but you can take charge of the future.
In order to heal you must look your regret in the face and observe it in all its glory. Identify what went wrong and fix it- take a deep breath, glare your pride back where it belongs and apologize if you have to or just talk about it. Own your regret, and it can’t control you anymore.
The next step is one many of us vinas do without even realizing it: Don’t punish yourself. When we mess up, it’s like we’re back in timeout–four years old, our middle name ringing in the air like an alarm bell, studying the wall like your life depends on it.
As children, we were punished when we messed up, but we’re not four anymore, vinas. We’re grown women, strong and fierce, and we’re taking over the world; this takes a strength as sharp as the wings of our eyeliner, a strength we’ve earned; we didn’t earn it by backing down every time something went wrong, we earned it by getting back up, brushing off the dirt and striding headlong back into the fray. Be resilient- but in your resiliency be flexible, like the elastic in our scrunchies. To be the strong vina we both know you are, you have to allow yourself your mistakes- take them in stride, own them, learn from them, and keep standing tall.
The last step to leaving your regrets in the dust and cat-walking your fierce butt into the sunset is to forgive yourself. I’ll say it louder for those in the back- FORGIVE YOURSELF. You’ve stared your regret in the face and found yourself staring back, cat-eye dangerously sharp and highlighter, shimmering like the goddess you are. You are the only one stopping you from moving forward. We’re confident and fierce, vinas! We don’t let anyone stand in our way, so don’t let you.
You’re a human being, and no matter how much of an amazing, independent vina you are, you’re going to mess up, and that is completely and utterly okay. Life isn’t supposed to be perfect- if it was we would be on a boring PG sitcom with a laugh-track and corny one-liners- but we aren’t. Take a deep breath, look yourself steadfast in the eyes and say I forgive you. Say it with me– I FORGIVE YOU. You deserve forgiveness, no matter how much you’ve messed up, and you deserve to move on, to let go. Pick yourself up, pat yourself on the back and treat yourself to your favorite food or a shopping spree to your favorite store- you deserve it.
Click here to look forward to your fierce-vina-future!