SEX ED: WE ANSWER THE TMI QUESTIONS YOU WANT ANSWERS TO

It’s fun to share your Pinot Noir over your last Tinder hookup. You can give all the gritty details of the scent of his skin and how you woke up to apple cinnamon pancakes the next day. You and your vina can share some pretty intimate details, but there are some things that are less than “share-worthy.” It’s okay — we’ve been there. I’m here to be the big-sister-vina and answer some of those awkward questions. Let’s get started:

IS CYBER SEX REALLY CHEATING?

Right now, the world is at a peak of its technology advancements, which makes it no surprise that this is a question that is up for debate. You have to really ask yourself what YOU consider cheating. There is no “right” or “wrong” answer, it all falls upon your own values. Some people may consider a kiss on the cheek that they weren’t aware of as cheating, and others may only consider full intercourse as cheating.

Determine where you draw the line, and where your partner is standing near it. If your partner simply made a new friend from a Facebook group, that can be cool or not. If your partner simply made a new friend from a Facebook group, and started messaging them and sending them nude pics, that may still be okay with you — or not.

If at any point you begin to feel uncomfortable or question if your partner would be okay with what you’re doing, then the answer is that it’s probably wrong.

WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO TRY ANAL SEX?

Anal sex is something that you and your partner need to be fully in agreement with. It can be a pleasurable experience for both of you if it is done correctly. I will tell you that the biggest reason people do not have anal sex is because of the fear of what might come out, so shower up! When the mood is right and time is not an issue, foreplay will make the task much easier.

The best way to introduce anything to the anal area is with a lubed up single finger. Begin touching the area and inserting a finger then gradually increasing it to two. Add more lubricant whenever necessary. When the time is right, you or your partner will be able to fully engage in anal sex. Do not resist or clench up, because this will cause pain. Remain relaxed and just be in the moment.

IS SEX DURING MY PERIOD BAD?

While sex during your period is not necessarily bad, it can be messy. Provided that your SO is comfortable with the mess factor, period sex is no different than regular sex! Lay some old towels down on the bed, make sure to double or triple up on towels. Foreplay is usually best above the waist to avoid direct hand contact with the blood which may decrease the arousal factor. Entering the vagina will be no different than non-period sex, however, you will notice that the area is more lubricated. Some women experience a slight pause in their period flow for a few hours later due to the contractions of the uterus during sex, and this is totally normal. Bottom line: period sex is like regular sex, it just also involves blood. If your partner is not squeamish, then you two should be able to have a blast.

Although sex is not a taboo subject for many, there are still some questions that are uncomfortable to ask. Having a vina on Hey! VINA you can trust is always a good place to start. Who knows? Maybe your vina has the same question as you! It’s worth mentioning that, when in doubt, ask your doctor — they have seen and heard a lot! And no matter what you do, safe sex is the best sex!

TALKING SAFE SEX WITH NEW PARTNERS

I love sex as much as the next vina. It’s empowering, liberating, and just plain fun, but if you’re not taking the necessary precautions, sex can end up being a traumatizing experience. The first step to avoiding a bad time? Talk to your new partner about safe sex. I get it – when it’s getting hot and heavy in the bedroom the last thing you probably want to do is talk about contraceptives.

Gif courtesy of https://giphy.com

But it’s 2019, vinas. It’s time we disregard the notion that talking about safe sex is a mood-killer. Do you know what’s unsexy to me? Unplanned pregnancies and/or sexually transmitted infections.

Gif courtesy of https://giphy.com

So how do you talk about sex safe with new partners? Well, let’s break it down:

COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE

If you trust another person with your body, you should be able to trust that you can have open and honest conversations about sex with them too. This should always be an open-ended conversation as situations can change at any given moment. You and your partner should be on the same page at all times.

GET TESTED. SERIOUSLY.

It’s up to your discretion how much you want to disclose about your sexual history, but it’s wise to suggest getting tested with your new partner before having sex. It’s especially vital if you and your partner have agreed to be non-monogamous and are seeing other people.

FEELING SAFE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS BEING SAFE.

I hate to admit that I’ve been in one too many situations where I did not feel safe. It’s essential to be vocal and communicate how you feel with your partner, if you can, to avoid long-lasting regret. Remember, it’s okay to change your mind. You do not owe anyone, anything, especially sex.

ALWAYS BE PREPARED

Look, in an ideal world, you’d be able to have a talk about the logistics every single time before you strip down, but sometimes that’s not the case. Which is why it’s extra important to keep yourself safe and be prepared. If that means getting yourself on the pill, the patch, getting some dental dams, or keeping a couple of condoms on you, then so be it. Always be prepared.

At the end of the day, you get the final say when it comes to your body. So get to talkin’. Start the dialogue between you and your partner, because the sooner you do, the sooner you get to enjoy worry-free sexy time.

Talking about safe sex methods with fellow vinas made it easier to talk to my partners. Ready to find a fellow confidant? Download the Hey! VINA app today!

THE PROBLEM WITH PORN

The female form is a beautiful thing. Women, once considered goddesses, are known for their enchanting male-magnetism. Men would fall to a woman’s feet for the chance to be in her presence.

Now, let’s get back to the 21st century. Imagine a woman who has a petite waist and a plump, full butt. Her breasts are perfectly proportionate and symmetrical. But men are not throwing themselves at this woman; they are throwing her around! We are talking about porn, of course. Porn has become the most lucrative industry, generating about 3,000 dollars a second. A SECOND!

By the time you finish reading this article, the porn industry will have made over half a million dollars—but, what is the real price we are paying?

THE PROBLEM WITH PORN & THE BRAIN

Fight the New Drug is an organization that aims to raise awareness for people to make informed decisions regarding pornography. The things that we are seeing in the porn industry are actually overpowering the emotions and sexual encounters we are having in real life. Not only does the brain become chemically altered, but it also changes the perception of our relationships and affects our ability to become aroused by real people.

THE PROBLEM WITH PORN IN RELATIONSHIPS

In some relationships, partners may be completely comfortable watching porn together. After all, they are joining millions of others doing the same thing at that moment. Unfortunately, what oftentimes happens is that watching porn can start affecting the relationship. Porn is seen as a body that is used to give and receive sexual pleasure. After a while, we begin to see ourselves differently and judge our own bodies (whether or not we are living up to the expectations of these actors). The judgment we pass on ourselves takes a toll on our self-image, our feelings, and our security of being in a loving relationship.

“Porn has been linked with people being less committed to their partners, less satisfied in their relationships, and more cynical about love in general,” according to Fight the New Drug. This doesn’t help that society is rapidly deteriorating, along with many morals and values being thrown out the window.

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THE PROBLEM WITH PORN ON OUR FUTURE

My biggest problem with porn is because of the fact that I have children. My son is 18, and by legal standards, an adult. By now it’s statistically safe to assume that he has watched porn. My worry doesn’t come from what he sees, but from what he learns. A Youth Internet Safety Survey found that 15% of people from 12 to 17 years of age have intentionally searched for pornographic material. Most males and females use porn as an educational way to learn about different types of sexual acts are performed. Teenagers use porn as a parameter to know if what they are doing is considered “good” in terms of pleasure.

Unfortunately, teenagers are not learning about the fundamentals that build a healthy relationship and a healthy sexual experience. As society declines in communication and trust, our youth has nowhere else to turn for their questions to be answered but to porn. Age verification is a thing of the past, where anyone can click a button to verify that they are 18 or older. Porn is not what it used to be. It’s no longer taboo in conversations or embarrassing when mentioned. The way people are viewing porn and themselves is changing.

Say goodbye to the porn and say hello to a little self-love and self-fulfillment. Download Hey! VINA today to surround yourself with vinas who are looking for empowerment, just like you!