self esteem

THE VINA GUIDE TO LOVING YOURSELF

/ Amanda Lee Burke / 2 Comments

February—better known as “the month of love“—has had us ladies fantasizing about all things relationships, flowers, chocolates, romantic evenings and wine related. However, I have one question for you: What’s more special than celebrating a love that is deeper than the seas, a love that is as loyal as it comes, a love that has been there since day one, a love that lasts a lifetime? AKA, SELF-LOVE.

Now I know this new trendy epidemic of self-love looks really appealing on social media—filled with facemasks, bubble baths, aromatherapy and so on—which I’m totally not knocking, I love it! But to really love yourself is to really put the work in. Luckily, us vina gals are empowered to make a difference in our lives, so let’s get through this guide together, okay?

1) TO LOVE THYSELF, IS TO PUT THYSELF FIRST

When was the last time you put yourself first? For some of us, it isn’t that easy. We might be people-pleasers, draining our own energy to be there for others. Some of us might be mothers, some of us might work three jobs just to get by, but have you heard of the word “self-preservation”? There comes a time where we need to literally say “enough is enough” and admit that you need some me time. And that is totally okay! Preserve some time every day, whether it’s an hour or 10 minutes, and just do what you and your body need at that moment. Give yourself some space to rejuvenate!

2) SWITCH THE NARRATIVE: SPEAK WELL TO YOURSELF. SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF

How many of us know how to take a compliment, without answering it back with a bit of belittlement about ourselves? How many of us compliment others, without ever complimenting ourselves? If we continue to talk down to ourselves, talk ourselves out of opportunities, feel worthless or inadequate, believe what others view us as, we will truly live that narrative. So, switch it up! Speak powerfully and presently to yourself: “I am beautiful, I am successful, I am living a wonderful, happy life.” When we speak in the present moment, our minds will start believing it. Find power even in your weaknesses. Be patient with yourself. You are what you think, so make it a good thought 😉 Another ritual of self-love is speaking up for yourself. Saying “no” more often to please yourself doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a smart person who knows what you want and aren’t afraid to express it. Speaking up even when your voice shakes is a great form of self-love.

3) STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS + VALUE YOURSELF

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You saw the memes, the quotes, the “new year, new me” resolutions and this for sure was one of them. So, stop comparing, start valuing! Value your mind, value your heart, value your ideas, value what makes you unique and stand out, value your body which protects you, moves you, allows you to experience the world, and loves you even through your own self-criticism. Your value is more than a physical attribute, it goes deeper than that. “I hated my way into loving myself,” said no one ever! No one can get to a place of happiness without accepting what is. And if I can be your hype-woman for a second: what you are, right in this moment, is so beautiful, colorful, vibrant and unique! Value everything that makes you, you. The only person you should compare yourself to is who you were yesterday.

4) END ALL TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS—ASAP

There is just no time for us ladies to be consumed by relationships that make us feel anything less than amazing. Did you know that toxic relationships can cause energy depletion, stress and anxiety, low self-esteem, fatigue, lack of concentration and a weak immune system? Relationships should uplift you, make you want to do better, feel motivated to achieve your goals, and you should feel like you have a supportive partner all the way! If you are experiencing the opposite of that, then it’s best to cut the cord, move on and rise up! Don’t let anyone hold you down. You know what you need for you, deep down.

5) SURROUND YOURSELF WITH GOOD VINAS!

So, this one kind of goes with number 4, but it needs to be said! By surrounding yourself with people who believe in you, support you, want to see you do great things and push you to be your best self, that energy can only raise you up and enhance your best self. Good friends, good memories, good food are all a wonderful part of wellness and self-love. Find the gal gang you need over at Hey! VINA to start building that loving circle. 

6) LET GO OF THE PAST, SAY HELLO TO YOUR BRIGHT FUTURE

Past traumas, heartbreaks, wounds, grudges can be very hard to let go of, and this might be a step that needs some extra support from someone you trust. But by knocking down the walls that bound you—that have left you with some resentment or anger in your heart—we can unload the burdens that, in fact, might be holding us back from truly living our best lives. You know you deserve better. Your future deserves better. So why not give the gift of letting go and putting to rest the past to make for an even better future?

7) DON’T WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO CHOOSE YOU, CHOOSE YOURSELF

For our vinas who are single hoping to mingle for Valentine’s day, remember that just because you’re single doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of love! You are the best gift you could give yourself! So let’s get cheesy with our social media posts of self-love rituals and bubble baths with a glass of champagne. Give some MAJOR sensual self-love and show off how loving ourselves hasn’t been easy, but is so worth it in the end. You deserve the world.

So vinas, be good to yourself, push through limiting beliefs, your time is now to radiate! Check out Hey! Vina to empower other women and to start loving yourself.

LET’S TALK SUICIDE: HOW TO BE THERE FOR A VINA IN NEED

/ nblondin / Leave a comment

September is National Suicide Prevention Month, and while I am thankful for those acknowledging this crisis, it also hits quite close to home for me. As three of my closest friends have attempted suicide and I have had to talk my one friend out of self-harm, this issue is more than just a topic in the paper. Suicide might be uncomfortable for some to talk about, including myself, but the more we are made aware of this subject, the better we can help those struggling during times of need. Here are some suggestions on how you can be there for your vinas who need your support.

LET THEM KNOW THEY ARE NOT ALONE

The main thing that I make sure all my vinas know is that I’m there for them: day or night. Whether they need to talk or need someone to walk home with them, it’s vital that they know they have a friend they can count on. Mental illness can sometimes make us believe we are all alone, so if you have a friend or family member who may be contemplating self-harm, let them know their emotions are being acknowledged and most importantly, noticed. If you can offer an ear to listen and shoulder to lean on, that makes a huge difference.

OUTDOOR BENEFITS

I constantly give my friends suggestions about the latest Netflix comedy special that can brighten up their mood or a cool activity they can do with others. If your vina seems to be a bit down, see if you can get her out of the house and into nature. The outdoors and sunshine are very beneficial! Vitamin D is essential for our mental well-being and the best way to get some is by enjoying a little sunshine. It doesn’t matter if it’s a quick walk to get some ice cream or a short stroll through the park, your vina needs to get out of the house where her insecurities hide in the shadows. Some fresh air can go a long way.

SELF-CARE

In the midst of being a female, I think all of us females can agree sometimes our hormones get the best of us, and not giving enough back to ourselves, self-love and care need to be practiced. A little reflection while meditating can really help you get to the root of what is going on within. Maybe going out to a yoga class isn’t ideal for your vina at the moment, but in the age of the internet-you can pop a basic yoga video on your laptop and do it together in the comfort of your own home.

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PATIENCE

It is very important that you take your time with a vina. It may seem time consuming and repetitive, but your vina needs you now more than ever. A funny gif here, a good meme there, a well-placed trip to the movies, or an occasional walk … no matter how small it may seem to you, it could mean the world to your vina.

Remember: There are many resources available to provide support to those affected by suicide. If someone you know needs help, suggest these resources immediately:

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK or text “Talk” to 741741.
  • Crisis Text Line — Text START to 741741
  • TREVOR Project — 866-488-7386
  • Trans Lifeline — 877-565-8860

Of course, new vinas are always waiting to talk. Click here to start your friendship journey.

 

 

LIFE GOALS TO HIT BEFORE 35!

/ Sarah G. / 1 Comment

We all think we have life figured out by the time we hit young adulthood, but in reality, there is still so much more for us to do and accomplish. Our twenties were just the beginning! Being almost 22-years-old myself, I understand the joy of being an adult but also know the stresses that comes along with it. I especially know that many will agree with me that the 30’s seems far away, but could creep up on us any minute! (Unless you are already in your 30’s of course, then you are looking towards 40.)

No matter where you are in life, here are a few totally doable goals to aim for before turning 35.

LIVE ON YOUR OWN

While it may be daunting, moving out on your own brings confidence and independence that simply cannot be achieved while living with parents or family.  Not only can you explore your interior design skills and preferences, but you can host vina nights and have more fun with your vinas than ever before because there is NO ONE to tell you that you can’t! Most importantly though when you live alone, you truly know yourself.

TRAVEL MORE

This is a goal that can be reached at any age, but it is best to travel while still in young and able. Not only are you more equipped to handle that jet lag a bit better, but you also have plenty of time and freedom to explore whenever, wherever. Travel lets you experience new cultures and lifestyles which learning more about yourself. Traveling can bring new cultural understanding, as well as giving the experience necessary to view the world through a pair of eyes that see more than your own culture.

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BE FINANCIALLY STABLE

Many adults have trouble shaking the debt that they have accumulated over the years of their life, but it is a good goal to at least attempt to lessen student debt and loans by the time you reach 35. Even if the debt won’t budge, it is still possible to make sure that you have at least a monthly budget going along with a substantial emergency fund built up in case of any troubles. Part of being financially stable means that your budget allows for paying all of your bills as well as being able to put money into your savings (AKA emergency fund). This emergency fund would ideally have 2-3 months worth of rent, bills, and whatever other expenses you may need. If you can’t afford that, don’t worry because some money put away is better than none.

OTHER GOALS

Besides those three main goals, there are plenty more that you should strive for. These include having at least one adult relationship, being a mentor to someone in need of guidance, mastering home cooking, learning your body and it’s health needs and the list goes on. Don’t forget to have fun along the way! Life is an adventure–make the most of it!

No matter your goal or your age, there is always a vina waiting for you! 

 

VINAS, IT’S TIME TO SHOOT YOUR (PROFESSIONAL) SHOT

/ Iyana Skye / Leave a comment

Vinas, 2018 has been our year. Never before have women been more active in the political arena, more prominent in the business world and more present on social media platforms. We are striving to break through all of the ceilings that once held us back. We have become more independent than ever before and we know we’re not planning on slowing down any time soon!

The best way to keep this momentum going is to be a monumental force in the workplace. And that means shooting your professional shot.

For those who may not know, “shoot your shot” comes from the concept that basketball players should just shoot the ball, even if they don’t know if they’ll make the shot or not. It is about having enough faith in themselves to believe that although the odds are against them, they will still make that shot anyways. We cheer on our vinas as they shoot their shots in relationships, but when they are shooting for their professional goals, we are more hesitant. Why is that?

Perhaps it’s because we are too afraid of falling into the never ending stereotype that a woman is “demanding” or “bossy” in the workplace. But here’s a reality check: going after what you want doesn’t equate you to any of those terms. It makes you a go-getter in a society that expects you to accept what is given to you with a cute smile and a polite “thank you.”

Thankfully for us, this isn’t the 1940s. Women today aren’t doing the bare minimum anymore and neither should you. Men are moving forward in this world because they have no fear of backlash from others and we need to rid ourselves of that fear as well. Women are making room for other women to move up in the world, and to shy away from opportunities out of fear of what others will have to say would be unfair to ourselves.

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Don’t believe me? Think of any of the boss vinas you look up to and you’ll see all of them had to brazenly chase what they wanted to get it. Thanks to women like Michelle Obama, Serena Williams, and Cardi B, we have proof that having a strong work ethic and accepting nothing but greatness is the new standards all vinas should be setting.

It’s time for us to shoot our professional shot–even if it’s from half court and we aren’t really sure we’ll make it. Because you never know if that shot will be the one that wins the game.

Want to meet other #girlbosses like you? There’s tons of vinas waiting for you in our free communities. Start swiping!

 

THE SECRET CONFIDENCE TIPS THAT EVERY VINA NEEDS TO KNOW

/ Tionna Salmon / Leave a comment

Having confidence can take you a long way but it can also be very hard to attain. Here are some tips to build up your confidence!

SELF-LOVE

The pratice of self-love has become very popular in the past year and it is understandable why. Loving all aspects of yourself can help your confidence tremendously. You can do so by taking care of yourself physically or letting go of things that would usually bother you.

LAW OF ATTRACTION IS REAL

The law of the attraction is the idea that any ideas that you put out in the universe will eventually come true. So try rather than wishing you were confident, say you are and act how you think a confident person would.

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POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Everyday try saying some positiive things to yourself in the mirror. The more you say it, the more you’ll believe it.

BE SELFISH

Sometimes you have to take care of your well-being before anyone else’s. Be selfish, say no sometimes, do whatever it takes to make sure you stay happy and comfortable. Chances are that a happier you is a more confident you.

IGNORE WHAT OTHER THINK

Do not let a person’s negative comments get to you. Many people try to drag others down and while sometimes it works, be strong and ignore the negativity. As long as you feel great, that is all that matters.

Looking for some vinas to build up your confidence with? Start swiping today!

HOW TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU’VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF

/ Amanda Lee Burke / Leave a comment

We know what you’re thinking: how to turn your dreams into reality might sound like a gimmick to some, but what if I told you that with a little bit of trust and belief, anyone can live their dreams? Yes, even you. Here’s how:

SHUT OFF ANY NEGATIVITY

There are people who will project their fears and failures on to you. Maybe deep down they’re afraid of your magnificence or maybe they truly fear the “what if” factor. Whatever is the case, you need to believe in yourself and trust in your journey.

DON’T LET FEAR GET IN THE WAY

To achieve the things we desire in life, we must not allow any fear in our way. Of course, we all have nerves and that voice in the back of our minds going, “but-but-but!” But no, no more buts! Let’s leave the butts for our curves and the possibilities open to the curves of our path. There will be obstacles and there will be times when we want to curl up into our comfort zone of a bed, however we must keep rising. The higher we rise, the closer we are to our dreams.

BELIEVE THAT THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON

The word “desire” comes from a Latin root (sidus) meaning “star.” Maybe our desires are stars guiding us from above? Maybe that’s why we so often hear the line, “Let go and let the universe guide you.” Our dreams and desires are a spiritual purpose.

IDENTIFY WHAT YOU WANT

What is your goal? What is your desire? Clarity comes from taking action and experience, so stop over-thinking and just go with it.

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VISUALIZE IT

Take a few minutes to visualize what your dream life looks like. Maybe it’s moving to Venice Beach, CA and selling your art on the boardwalk, or working your way up at your current position to the director position, or traveling the world, or maybe living the life you’ve always dreamt of means being happy.

Close your eyes and imagine yourself living your dream life:
-What does it look like?
-What does it feel like?

WRITE WHAT YOU SEE

If you’re up for a little project, create a vision board including images of your dream house, dream job, dream location. While visualizing your dream, what colors do you want surrounding you? Do you have a cat, a dog? Are you married or single? It’s important to be detailed-oriented during this exercise.

IF YOU CAN IMAGINE IT, YOU DESERVE TO LIVE IT!

What in your life is holding you back from living your dreams? Becoming aware of the energy that is holding you back will make it easier to move forward in your future. When we work on ourselves and our insecurities, it sets our minds up to thinking more positively about our lives and leaves little room for the “but” voice.

COMMITMENT

Are you ready to commit yourself to the manifestation of your dreams?! What needs to happen for you to reach your desired life?

Well, here we challenge you to commit to your dreams. Print below, sign it and add it your dream board.

****DREAM CONTRACT****

I COMMIT TO TRUSTING IN MY DESIRES, BELIEVING IN MY DREAMS, AND SAYING YES TO THE OPPORTUNITIES THAT LIE AHEAD.

SIGNATURE:__________________________  DATE:_________________

Let’s start this journey together, my ethereal vinas! Cheers to living our best lives!

Want to feel more inspired? Share your dreams with others vinas!

 

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING TO YOUR GUT

/ Jenna Mohammed / Leave a comment

How many times have you gone against your gut feeling and the outcome was never in your favor? Probably one too many times than you’d like to admit, right? Fortunately, trusting your intuition is pretty simple. Everyone has the ability to do it, and it can lead to great possibilities.

Listening to your gut is painfully terrifying because we aren’t allowing our mind to take the time to process our decision making, but sometimes that’s a good thing. You’re probably wondering, “where am I going with this?” and, “why should I toss all rational thinking out the door?” Your intuition is an internal GPS system that guides us in our decision processes. It’s different than a thought because that’s something you mull over;  intuition is more of a feeling. The best way to getting better at listening to that gut instinct is to act on it.

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An attempt to make decisions based on a feeling isn’t always going to happen when you want it to. Fear plays a huge factor in how we make choices, sometimes good but also sometimes bad.

A great example of this would be when I traveled to Iceland in 2016. I got myself into a “situation-ship” with someone I met there. After three weeks of texting and Skyping, I went back to see them and they came to my country to see me. When the relationship ended a year later, I experienced heartbreak I never thought I would survive, but luckily, I did. I went with my gut feeling to travel so far for someone who never fully committed to me. I was scared but did it anyways and even though I went through a lot of pain, it brought me back to Iceland multiple times afterwards. I fell in love with a new country, made new friends and memories, enrolled in school and worked as an editorial intern–all of this because I listened to my intuition that told me to embark on an adventure even if there was a lot of uncertainty.

The more we listen to our gut and act on it, we can become better friends and ultimately better to ourselves.

Listen to your gut when it comes to connecting with other vinas and share your experiences where intuition has helped you. Start swiping today!

HOW TO TRULY LIVE FEARLESSLY

/ Jennifer / Leave a comment

Want to ask for that big promotion? Dying to take that dream vacation? Curious about skydiving? Or maybe you want to just ask that special someone out? 

There are many things that “live fearlessly” can be attributed to. We all wish we could just make those big jumps that some people seem to do. But sometimes living fearlessly is just getting out there and making friends.

Here are some of the best tips I’ve heard when it comes to living fearlessly. Hopefully, it will help you take that next big leap.

VALIDATE YOURSELF

Tell yourself you are worth it. Because, vina, you are worth it. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t deserve that raise, or that you can’t ask that person out. Go for it. 

KNOW THAT YOU MAY FAIL

And that is 100% OK. Sometimes you’re going to fail. It’s a part of life. At least you can say you tried, and that’s all that matters sometimes! 

adult-beach-hat-beautiful-1070967STAY OPEN TO ALL POSSIBILITIES

And let go of all the possible outcomes. You don’t want to focus on how things will end. You want to focus on actually doing the thing that you are afraid of doing.

JUST DO IT.

Like Nike: Just do it. Sometimes that alone will be all you need to get the courage. Just tell yourself to do it.

Let me tell you my story, and how these tips helped me:

I am afraid of being out in the ocean. I’ll play on the beach, and I’ll play in the waves, but going too far out, it scares the crap out of me. No jet skis for me. No little paddle boats or paddle boards. Probably never will even try to surf. Hell, I even got stung by a jellyfish in the ocean.

Ever since 2010, we’ve been going to Rocky Point in Puerto Penasco, Mexico every year. We go with a large group of friends and family. Literally like 30+ people. I live in Phoenix, and it’s about a four-hour drive. Well, in 2016, some of the group wanted to go on a Banana Boat. Normally, I would have chickened out. But I decided I wanted to do it. I wanted to have that story. I want to look back and say “Yea, I was scared. Yes, my face in the photos shows that I was scared. But I did it anyways!” Even my own sister couldn’t believe I actually went through with it. I did actually have fun, and I’m so glad I went through with it.

Now it’s your turn. Tell me, what did you overcome recently? What have you done fearlessly? Tell me in the comments. I’ll be watching! 😉

Download the Hey! VINA app and find someone to be fearless with you!

BODY SHAMING: WHY ARE WE OUR OWN WORST CRITICS?

/ sassytypist / 1 Comment

“Body shaming is the act or practice of humiliating a person based on their body type by making critical and/or mocking statements about their body shape and size.” — Oxford English Dictionary. 

But what about the other side of body shaming? The side where YOU are the person humiliating and being critical of your own body shape and size?

According to statistics shown by Park Nicollet Melrose Center, 80% of women in the U.S. are not satisfied with their body image; leaving most women with low self-esteem, but a high need to fit into the “beauty-body-norm.”

In the age of social media, our eyes are captivated by insta-models showing off their bikini-ready bods, the Kardashians’ constant advertisements of “waist-trainers” and diet supplements; the pressures are totally on to be that “body-norm.”

I can say honestly that I am part of the 80% of women unsatisfied with their body image. I have always felt that I could be thinner or prettier or have better skin. I beat myself up daily about what I wish I could change and I’m trying to change the way I think and feel about myself with positive thinking; however loving yourself can sometimes feel like the full time job you want to run away from, but can’t because of – priorities.

No, we can’t run away from who we are; so might as well run to ourselves with a bit of self-appreciation, in hopes that it will get easier to think highly of ourselves the more we practice it.

Here are 5 tips that I have been trying and hopefully it can help you on your journey:

1. Speak highly of yourself. If you don’t see something amazing and great in the mirror, no-one else will.

2. Write a positive affirmation on your mirror or somewhere you can see it each day; read it out loud and in that moment, BELIEVE. One of my favorite affirmations is, “I am deserving of happiness and love.”

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3. Don’t let someone else’s opinion of you be the opinion of yourself. Who cares if someone says you have big eyes, all the better to see you with!

4. Surround yourself with positive people. If you have a great circle, you’ll have a great support-system.

5. Self-love. Love yourself before anyone else, because guess what? You matter the most, and without self-love no other love can exist.

I hope this can help someone understand the importance of being good to yourself, because after all, our bodies work hard enough to keep us alive and strong, it deserves to be loved. Our bodies deserve to be cherished. 💕

Start a self-love #girlgang by clicking here!

HELPING YOUR VINA FIND REST IN RESTLESS SITUATIONS

/ Leandré Theys / 3 Comments

There are certain times in our lives when everything feels like it is just out of control and dealing with life just feels like it’s draining all your meaningful energy straight out of your bones. One of the best thing to have in these situations is a vina—someone who can listen to your endless crying on the phone or bring you chocolates and flowers, or even just tag you in a meme on Insta. It’s like when you have a bad day at work and the only thing you want to do is call this one vina and offload all your stresses. And when you have a bad day every day, you need at least 7… 🙂

It becomes a little more challenging, however, when you are that vina. We all know what to do when you need to talk. But what do you do when your friend is really depressed and going through a really challenging time and texting non-stop is just not enough?

The million-dollar question is, “How do I deal with somebody else’s drama amidst my own?” Because let’s face it—other people’s problems have a way of seeping in through a crack and dominating our lives. Be it family, colleagues or friends. If we don’t equip ourselves with the necessary skills and knowledge semi-equivalent to that which therapists trains years for, you might end up ruining a relationship. People skills stretch farther than just learning how to deal with people at work, and if applied correctly, dealing with our distressed loved ones will become easier.

WikiHow lists nine steps (with pictures, of course) of how to help people in distress. One of these images, the first step, looks like the person is about to slap the poor girl if she doesn’t pull herself together.  LOL. Sounds like a page right outta my mom’s parenting guide.

She even looks a little like my-teenage-self.

My point is, although the internet does help, it doesn’t know your vina the way you know your vina. She’s inspiring, loving, caring, supportive, and on her best day, she is the rock-solid foundation on which you build your laughs.

My advice is to try bringing her peace by calming the situation down. Narrating a “worst- case scenario” situation will give her perspective of the magnitude of the problem.  Most of the time, we just overreact and it’s really not even as bad as we make it in our own heads.

Compliment her and get her to compliment herself. The hardest thing to admit to yourself when you are feeling as low as low can get is that you are beautiful and worth it and that you are doing the best you can and that that is all that matters.

We often find, especially with people who are generally very negative, that the helper becomes so despondent because nothing they say to this person is absorbed. And that can either be because the person is reliant on the attention they get when they wallow or because bathing in this glory of failure and self-loathe is easier than making a change.  As a friend, your job is to highlight that self-pity should be a momentary thing that we do to gain perspective of things we should avoid. If we hang out there for too long, we lose perspective of what we should do and focus too much on what we can’t.

So bring in reinforcements if you need to. If she needs to hear what you have to say from more people, if she needs help from another person, if she needs to tell someone something, be that bridge for her. The best thing you can ask yourself is, what can I do that is reasonably within my reach to try and defuse the situation?

Remember: we are what we say we are. If your vina is down on herself, it’s your job to remind her that she shouldn’t be. And with that said, I quote Louise Hay: “Every thought we think is creating our future.”

Want to connect with new vinas in your area? Start now!