DECIDING WHEN TO LET GO OF FRIENDSHIPS

I lost the majority of my close-knit friends at 12:45am on January 1st, 2019. The details aren’t important right now, but for a long time my feelings were constantly hurt by my best friends. I won’t play the victim; I’m sure there were ways I acted out that weren’t fair either. Regardless, my hurt feelings are validated, and I needed to get out of the endless cycle of crying, worrying and living in a constant anxious state. I held onto friends that continually let me down and lied to me because I was scared of being friendless. No one wants to say they don’t have a best friend or a group of close pals, but sometimes you need to let go of the people you love for your own well-being.

Here are a few mental notes I made when I finally decided to let go of friendships that meant the world to me.

THEY HAVE A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON YOUR LIFE

Friends are here to help us become the best versions of ourselves. If you’re trying to get in shape, quit drinking or smoking, or just make something of yourself and be productive, your friends have to support you. If they’re enabling bad habits and show no desire to change themselves or help you for the better, it’s time to let go.

YOU FEEL MISERABLE

It’s true: misery loves company. Humans are weird in the sense that they find comfort in other people are also unhappy. If you’re miserable and unsatisfied in your friendships, take a look at the other person or people in your group of friends, and you’ll notice a trend. You may all be unhappy, unmotivated and miserable, using that negativity to bond with each other. When I realized this, I knew I had to get out if I wanted to be happy.  

YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN’T BE YOURSELF

Depending on our environment, we take on different behaviors. One thing is for sure, when you are with your friends, that’s the time you get to be your true self. If you feel like you need to hide who you are or change your personality to fit in, then it’s time to take on new friendships.

YOU CAN’T COUNT ON THEM

This one is pretty obvious, but it’s important. Support should be mutual and shared. If you find yourself feeling lonely when you need your friend and they blow you off or make you feel invalidated, that’s a red flag. The longer you stay in these types of friendships, the more you learn to count on yourself and that, in itself, is very powerful.

THERE’S A LACK OF LOYALTY & GENUINENESS

Finding loyal friends who will have your back no matter what can be hard to come by. For long term friendships, it’s a given. They should stand up for you and defend you when you’re hurt or feel alienated, especially if there are long-lasting effects attached. Friends should do as they see fit. If they are not treating you with the respect and loyalty you ask for, it’s time to seek new ones.

Feeling like it’s time to find new friends? Check out Hey! VINA to see who your next girl gang could be!

VINA SUCCESS STORY: HOW HEY! VINA FORMED THIS CRAFTY #GIRLGANG

International Friendship Day. A day we dedicate to the females who have been there through the heartbreaks, the Sex and the City marathons, the slumber parties on Friday nights, the much needed pep-talks during our moments of self-doubt, and the many other moments that make up this soulful sisterhood.

Some of us might be sitting at home, feeling a little bit lonely and wishing we had a vina to share our Saturday night with. In Austin, Texas, Hey! VINA user Nastassia recalled how she used to see exciting and cool activities going on in Austin, but she would let them pass her by. “Because however comfortable you are being on your own, some things are much more fun with someone else,” she explains.

Luckily, Nastassia swiped right on a vina named Mandy—and the rest is history.

“Meeting Mandy really helped get me out of my shell,” Nastassia says. “I’ve always been a person who would never start a conversation with anyone I didn’t know, but that has changed so much. We’ve had VINA dinner parties, went to a Buffy the Vampire Slayer dance party downtown, done craft nights, and even had a Golden Girls themed party.” Thanks to Hey! VINA, Nastassia, Mandy, Lindsay, and Amanda formed the ultimate #girlgang. “No matter what activity we do, we all manage to make it fun. I’m trying to convince everyone to hit up the 21+ roller skate night near my house, so that’s on the horizon!”

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Talk about fun. For Nastassia, she’s so thankful that VINA connected her to her new tribe.

“The best advice I’d have for people who are too shy to reach out on VINA is to remember the woman on the other end is probably just as nervous!” she shares. “And if you don’t immediately hit it off with everyone, that’s OK. I’ve met up with about half a dozen women on VINA and Mandy was the first one who turned into a close friend. Everyone isn’t going to be compatible with everyone and that doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a friend or a person. Just keep swiping and eventually you’ll find your tribe!”

Are you ready to form your girl gang? Start swiping!

HOW TO RECONNECT WITH A LONG LOST VINA

What was your childhood/tween years like? Did you grow up playing sports, dancing, or as a member of a recreational club? If you did then you’re probably like me and you probably met your bestie or two through a shared after-school activity.

Even though you didn’t go to school with them, you saw them multiple times a week at practices, games, performances, etc. They were awesome ladies who you would spill all your little secrets and talk about your issues at school. They were basically your rock but somewhere along the way you started to drift apart… not because you were a bad friend or they were, it was simply because we all have to grow up at some point.

So how do you reconnect with them and build that relationship again?

There’s only one way to do so… REACH OUT TO THEM! We all know this can be scary because you don’t know what the long lost vina is thinking or if she will even respond, but chances are your text will actually make her heart a little warm and she will 100% respond!

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The feeling is so, so real via Imgur

Don’t worry about the months or years that have gone by, and definitely don’t be intimidated by her awesome lifestyle you see on her Instagram feed. After all you probably stalk her profile every time they post a new pic and I know you want to know how her life without you is so find out for yourself.

First, grab your phone find their number or DM them! What do you say? Well, start with a compliment (because who doesn’t love a compliment!) then go on to talk about how long its been and in conclusion, express to them how much you would love to get coffee or a quick bite to eat (sounds a little bit like dating but in a way it kinda is)!

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Two vanilla soy lattes, please! via WeHeartIt

 

Next is actually getting to the coffee/food date. Like most plans you make in advance, you begin to question… how can I get out of this, what excuse can I make, or what if it’s weird? The answer is you can’t and it’s only weird if you make it weird. So get your butt off the couch, turn off your fav Netflix show, and head out the door!

Remember, at one time you two were BFFS that ruled the world and now with all the passed years, you have much to catch up on, so be excited! And hey if it’s not awkward (which it won’t be) and the past years didn’t deteriorate your friendship then you got your vina back!

Download the Hey! Vina app to reconnect with your long lost vina and let us know how it goes!

(Feature image via @lexlovescouture) 

JULY 2017 FRIENDSHIP HOROSCOPES

Ready to read all about how your friendships will flourish this month? Don’t fret if you don’t see the best news, vinas! Everyone has bad days and I know you can bring about an awesome summer for yourself and your best vinas!

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Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Aries, your money situation will be stackin’ in July 2017 so you’ll be set to cover the bill for events with your friends and even splurge on yourself. You however will be pressed to find a healthy balance your professional goals with your vinas. Remember all work and no play makes an Aries miss a lot of action.

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Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

While Mars is urging you to be a bit aggressive, Saturn is working to hold your moods together. Your friendship meter is highly active and you’ll be best to plan a lot of fun vina dates and get out of your head this month. Your friends are there for you!

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Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

The Gemini astrological sign will move ahead in July 2017 in spite of some unfavorable aspects of planets. Your financial goals are in alignment but you’ll sadly have to save your plans while your friendships are horribly complex and chaotic. Take a deep breath and pour yourself a glass of Rosé, Gemini! This too shall pass.

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Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Get ready to don your adaptable side this month. The retrograde of planets will greatly affect your adaptive side. You will however be attracting new and old friends alike with your magnetic personality. Get ready to meet some new vinas you vibe with this month!

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Leo (July 23 – August 22)

This is the perfect time for you, Miss Leo, to connect with your Supreme Power and review your progress in life. Allow relationships to grow naturally. Pushing things along will hurt more than help and may scare some new vinas away! Take it easy, enjoy the sun this month and things will settle down.

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Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Your very Virgo creativity and spirituality will be booming! Social networking is necessary but will take time — your social circle will also afford you the chance to progress in career. Try to keep grounded this month, but you couldn’t mess it up if you tried.

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Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your friendships are important for Libra sun sign. You will be attracting a lot of new vinas and acquaintances. Your family life will face some conflicts but don’t fret, your friends will be there for you.

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Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Jupiter will boost your finances but you will have some struggles within finding your place professionally. There will be conflict between family and friends this month. Just keep your head up and make a lot of time for yourself to relax. Spa day anyone?!

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Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You’re totally focused on your career this month, Sagittarius. You don’t want to give an inch but you’ll only cause your friendships some un-needed stress. Try to be there for your friends even while you’re rocking professionally. They want some of your free time too!

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Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Your spirituality and self-discovery will be at the forefront this month, Capricorn. You will find many opportunities for fun and success within your social circles and will make some lasting memories with your vinas. Time for a vacation! Don’t wear yourself down too much, your health could cause some struggle but you won’t let it rain on your parade.

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Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Saturn and Mars will likely create some disturbances in your safety net this month, Aquarius. Pluto will slow down your career growth and threaten your bank account. But your social life will be rocking! You’ll do well building intimate relationships with vinas and experience blissful ecstasy with your partner. Focus on the positive, Aquarius!

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Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’ll be very concerned with your emotional stability this month. You’re so focused on everyone else’s interests that you’re not making sure your own needs are being met. Your relationships may be under threat because of your emphasis on perfection. Try to relax, Pisces! Enjoy time with your vinas and let your guard down.