FRIEND OR FAKE? HOW TO SPOT A FLAKE

So you’re looking to expand your trusted tribe, build a tribe from scratch, or maybe you’re feeling lonely after moving to a new city – officially making you the new kid in town. Whoever and wherever you are in the world, and whatever your friendship goals may be, differentiating between a genuine gal pal and a flaky fake can be a tough call to make. Sometimes, it even feels like a game which makes it even harder to keep your sanity in tact!

For some, the allure of a new friendship fizzles out when there’s no game to be played, or no chase to be had. And many fledgling friendships fizzle out after barely stumbling over the starting block. You got beyond the awkward “hello, how are ya doing” intro message? Kudos – you’re doing better than most!

But how can you find someone whose wavelength is a perfect match, and is your ideal friendship catch? How can you spot a friend from a fake? Heck, it’s hard enough to get the conversation flowing, never mind being on alert for the fiery red flags. So, to give you a heads up on spotting fakes and staying away from flakes, check out these tips to identify whether that new pal is a forever friend, or a total fake.

TRUST PATTERNS, NOT APOLOGIES

So, you’ve been trying to plan that get-together for like, forever. And the excuses have been coming in thick and fast, right? There’s a pattern emerging but you’d rather not admit it. Sure, in your mind this gal pal has so much potential, and you’ve got so much in common. You like all the same movies, drink the same Starbucks, even frequent the same salons and shopping malls. Sure, you tell yourself they’re just a bit manically busy, and you may even feel a bit sorry for their frenetically paced life. But remember, people make time for those they truly care about, and one is never too busy for something that’s important to them. Would you treat a potential love interest with an erratic pattern the same? Probably not. So now it’s time to admit to yourself that this gal pal is a no go! You deserve better!

SPOT THE RED FLAGS

Ever paid for lunch but never received an offer to reciprocate? You offered your time to help with something, and it wasn’t well received? You went out of your way to do something, but it went completely unnoticed? These are sure signs that your friendship isn’t a two-way street. Vina, it’s time to jump on that elevator and get yourself the hell outta there!

KEEP YOUR STANDARDS HIGH: NO COMPROMISE

You’re polite, honest, kind and thoughtful. You’re as punctual as you can be, and super accommodating (we all need a little extra time occasionally), but your new vina doesn’t quite match. Stay firm on your non-negotiables – your standards. Those are the intrinsic values that make you unique, wholly, and wonderfully you. You deserve a gal pal who makes you feel appreciated. You must stay sweet, and if she doesn’t reciprocate, it’s time to speak with your feet and WALK.

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DON’T QUESTION YOUR WORTH

The moment you start to question your own worth is the moment you run. Did I say the wrong thing? Was I too eager? Was I too kind? Have I given too much away? Chances are if your new friendship is triggering these anxieties in the early stages, it’s probably not going to go away. This friend might not be the one for you. Good friendships are solidly grounded on good communication – both ways. Never question your worth, vinas. And never let your worth be found in the hands of another person, or determined by their perception of you!

Friendship footnote: If the friendship is still fresh, it’s important to allow for some give and take – your gal friend may just need a little time to open up, and that’s totally fine. Some vinas need to take their time to truly sparkle and shine!

Head over to the Hey! VINA app and start swiping to find your true tribe!

VINA SUCCESS STORY: HOW HEY! VINA FORMED THIS CRAFTY #GIRLGANG

International Friendship Day. A day we dedicate to the females who have been there through the heartbreaks, the Sex and the City marathons, the slumber parties on Friday nights, the much needed pep-talks during our moments of self-doubt, and the many other moments that make up this soulful sisterhood.

Some of us might be sitting at home, feeling a little bit lonely and wishing we had a vina to share our Saturday night with. In Austin, Texas, Hey! VINA user Nastassia recalled how she used to see exciting and cool activities going on in Austin, but she would let them pass her by. “Because however comfortable you are being on your own, some things are much more fun with someone else,” she explains.

Luckily, Nastassia swiped right on a vina named Mandy—and the rest is history.

“Meeting Mandy really helped get me out of my shell,” Nastassia says. “I’ve always been a person who would never start a conversation with anyone I didn’t know, but that has changed so much. We’ve had VINA dinner parties, went to a Buffy the Vampire Slayer dance party downtown, done craft nights, and even had a Golden Girls themed party.” Thanks to Hey! VINA, Nastassia, Mandy, Lindsay, and Amanda formed the ultimate #girlgang. “No matter what activity we do, we all manage to make it fun. I’m trying to convince everyone to hit up the 21+ roller skate night near my house, so that’s on the horizon!”

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Talk about fun. For Nastassia, she’s so thankful that VINA connected her to her new tribe.

“The best advice I’d have for people who are too shy to reach out on VINA is to remember the woman on the other end is probably just as nervous!” she shares. “And if you don’t immediately hit it off with everyone, that’s OK. I’ve met up with about half a dozen women on VINA and Mandy was the first one who turned into a close friend. Everyone isn’t going to be compatible with everyone and that doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a friend or a person. Just keep swiping and eventually you’ll find your tribe!”

Are you ready to form your girl gang? Start swiping!

YOUR SOCIAL LIFE DECODED BY PARKS + REC

YOU SWIPE RIGHT AND MATCH ON HEY! VINA.

Yesssss.

YOUR QUIZ ANSWERS ARE SUPER IN-SYNC.

YOU GO ON YOUR FIRST VINA DATE AND HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON!

Yes, hello. Two tickets for friendship island? Thanks.

ONE VINA DATE TURNS INTO TWO, AND IT BECOMES A REGULAR THING.

Brunch anyone?

YOU TEXT EACH OTHER PROBABLY 50 TIMES A DAY

But if we’re being honest… it could be more.

SHE’S THERE FOR YOU IN A ROUGH SPOT, AND VICE VERSA.

YOU CAN’T FIND YOUR FAVORITE BRACELET BECAUSE SHE BORROWED IT LIKE, TWO WEEKS AGO.

Yay for an excuse to visit!

SHE’S SEEN YOU AT YOUR WORST AND HAS ACCEPTED IT.

YOU  CAN STRAIGHT UP ARGUE ABOUT WHICH CHARACTER IN YOUR RECENT TV BINGE IS THE BEST.

YOU CAN’T IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT HER.

Who’s your bff? Tell us about her in the comments below!

(Feature image via NBC, gifs via Giphy))

THE FOUR ESSENTIAL WAYS WOMEN BOND

Have you ever had an acquaintance that is super enthusiastic to be besties, but you don’t feel like you’ve hit it off to #squadgoals status? According to Shasta Nelson, there are four different ways women bond. These describe what we each require to feel close to someone. It goes some way to explaining the instant vibes you may feel with someone, or the people you get deep with slower. It also explains why sometimes there’s a difference in perceived closeness between friends. In other words it’s a super interesting look at women’s friendships.

Read up on the four bonding styles below!

PLAYFUL

These vinas tend to be creative, fun-loving, optimistic, spontaneous, and bond over shared interests and doing activities together. Think you’ve got a playful friend on your hands? Schedule a girl-date doing something you both enjoy, like yoga or hiking. If you’re not feeling the active vibes, try a cooking class or go to an exhibition or event. You’ll be besties in no time!

SUPPORTIVE

Team work is number one for these gals. They are loyal, responsible, thoughtful, hard working and expect their friends to share these values. Supportive ladies want to feel like everyone is contributing and participating in whatever is going on, including your relationship. Strengthen these bonds by being an active participant, whether it’s coordinating plans, asking thoughtful questions, or offering to help them with something!

EMPATHETIC

Our empathetic friends are idealistic, romantic, deep-feeling, and passionate. They tend to bond over deep and meaningful conversations about each other’s lives, ideas, and feelings. To bond with these ladies, be interested in their stories and delve deep, asking lots of questions about their lives and showing your empathetic side. Also, don’t be scared to confide in your new friend, too! They thrive off giving advice and sharing feelings.

INTELLECTUAL

Rational, strategic, and pragmatic women bond over intellectual thinking – discussions on politics, technology, economics, and problem solving. It’s important for these friends to feel valued for their ideas and they tend to bond with those who can think for themselves and engage in these kinds of discussions.  If you’re like me, and politics and economics aren’t your thing, engage them in a conversation on a topic that you’ve thought deeply about (the current state of the world, conspiracy theories, literature, theology, and science are some personal faves) and they will respect your strong point of view and interest in abstract topics.

Some of these might not be your cup of tea, but everyone is different and it’s our differences that offer a fresh perspective and make things interesting! By identifying your own bonding style and the preferences of those around you, you will be able to seize opportunities to bond with your friends in ways that will be meaningful to you both.

Which bonding type are you and your friends? Let us know in the comments below, and take one of our personality quizzes on Hey! VINA to find out more about your friendship style!

(Feature image via @nattie_pearl)

 

START GEARING UP FOR GALENTINE’S DAY WITH THESE UNEXPECTED GIRL POWER MOVIES!

Galentine’s Day is less than a month away, which means that women around the world are pulling out the popcorn and rosé. But even though we love Clueless and Mean Girls, we decided that boy-crazy teenagers weren’t going to cut it for this year’s annual movie extravaganza. To switch things up this Galantine’s Day season, we pooled some atypical girl movies that slay the empowerment game.

1. JULIE AND JULIA

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Who doesn’t love movies about cooking? This film is comically relatable, and it features two badass women who take their lives into their own hands when life throws them into uncertain futures. So kick back with some gourmet cheese and crackers and relax as you watch these two Julias follow their dreams.

 2. UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN tumblr_lmlql8Kqbi1qakh43o1_500-1.gif

This picture borders on chick flick, but focuses on a young divorcé as she ventures into drool-worthy Tuscany and discovers that all she needs is some perspective and some vinas to support her in leading her most authentic life. Virtual vacation? Self discovery? We’ll take it! 

3. AKEELAH AND THE BEEAkeelah-and-the-Bee-quotes.gif

Most people think of this movie as being targeted at a younger audience, but girl power is ageless! Follow eleven-year-old Akeelah as she breaks down racial and economic barriers in this heartwarming tale of perseverance and passion.

4. FREEDOM WRITERS

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Although this one is a little rougher around the edges, the protagonist of this film sacrifices comfort to support her less fortunate students in changing their own lives. A major tear-jerker, this flick will have you and your vina plotting to quit your day jobs and bring about some grassroots change, for a few hours at least.

5. THE HUNGER GAMES

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Ah, the typical badass girl flick, we know. But c’mon, Katniss everdeen has got to be the most iconic heroine since Catwoman! Who doesn’t love cuddling up on the couch and watching some serious girl power take place in a deadly arena?
Galantine’s can be a real movie crunch, but now you have more than enough flicks to last you up until the big day! So get swipin’, grab a vina and indulge in this celebratory movie marathon.

(Feature image via Victoria’s Secret)

5 FILMS THAT ARE PURE #FRIENDSHIPGOALS

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You know you’ve got a true friend when she defends you against bullies, supports you in your dreams and endeavors, and is always honest with you. She’ll be there for you when you’re having a tough time and feel like giving up. She’ll bingewatch shows with you, stand in long lines, bring you food, and sing and dance with you like no one is watching. She’s your go-to and the first person you want to talk to when something happens.

Through the good times and bad,the friendships in these movies have us saying #FriendshipGoals. Grab a vina and have a movie marathon!

“BLADES OF GLORY”

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Two ice skating rivals have to join forces in order to once again compete in the Olympics. They are the first male/male pair to compete and have to defeat the reigning champions. The two men are forced to live together, to get along, and to learn how to skate with one another. Eventually their hatred turned into an everlasting friendship and true bromance.

“HARRY POTTER”

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The Golden Trio is the epitome of #FriendshipGoals  (by the way, if you haven’t seen “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them,” you are definitely missing out!). In all eight of the films, we see Harry, Hermione, and Ron go through various obstacles, befriending others along the way. They were always there for one another, but each individual friendship has its ups and downs at one point or another (*cough* like the brief stint when Ron left them out of anger and jealousy due to the horcrux *cough*).

The fact that Ron came back to help them shows how true his friendship and loyalty lies. The epilogue is even more #FriendshipGoals.

“LEGALLY BLONDE”

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Elle Woods wanted to win back the “love of her life” and thus through her hard work and support from her friends, she was able to pass the LSAT’s and get into Harvard Law School. There, she blossomed from trying to win back her loser of an ex-boyfriend Warner, to proving to herself and to others that she has what it takes to be a great lawyer. Through her journey she also befriends Paulette, a manicurist, Emmett, a junior partner, and eventually Vivian, a fellow law student who is also Warner’s fiancé. With their help and support, she’s able to prove that she is more than just “a dumb blonde with big boobs.” She wins the trial, ends up being the valedictorian of her graduating class, and gains a best friend.

“THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS”

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Four best friends are spending their summers separately for the first time. Before Lena, Bridgette, and Carmen go away for their summer vacations, leaving Tibby behind, they find a pair of jeans that miraculously fits each of them perfectly. They believe the jeans bring them magic and luck, and so they make a pact to share the pants throughout the summer. Each girl supports one another in times of need, grief, and happiness. In the end, they all reunite, claiming the jeans really do have magical powers.

“WHITE CHICKS”

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The final #FriendshipGoals: One of my all time favorite comedies that also teaches us a lesson about family and friendship. I cannot hear Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles” without thinking of this movie or picturing the two scenes associated with this song.

Two FBI agents, Kevin and Marcus, who are also brothers, try to prove to their chief that they are worthy of being the top agents for important cases. When they almost ruin their chances and come close to getting fired with their latest assignment, they both work together to save their job and solve the case. They impersonate the two heiresses they were supposed to escort to the hotel, and befriend the two women’s actual friends. In the end, the group of girls appreciate Kevin and Marcus a lot more than their original friends because of how they defend and support each of the girls.

(feature image via @l.a_jo)