HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR PARTNER AND VINA DON’T GET ALONG

When I was dating my ex, he and my cousin – who was like a sister to me – never seemed to get along. They were both always good to me, and they were genuinely thoughtful and loving people, but it would always feel so tense whenever they were in the same room. I don’t know about you, vinas, but I personally dislike it when my loved ones can’t get along. I over-exert myself to make sure other people are happy…so this situation was basically a nightmare. I mean, what was a vina to do? Break-up with who was then the love of my life, or cut ties with my own blood?

“But Kaitlin, isn’t it obvious, if your friends don’t like your partner, that must mean they’re not the right match!”

Not necessarily.

“But wait, you’re talking about an ex! So obviously your vina was right about not liking him from the beginning.”

Now hang on!

My cousin and ex never explicitly said they didn’t like each other – they just had clashing personalities. Sure, it didn’t work out between me and him but that’s a different story to be unfolded later. The fact was, at that time, I had two people I cared about a lot, who cared about me, but didn’t care for each other.

“Okay…so how did you deal with it?”

Glad you asked! I avoided it! Just kidding. Reflection was a key part of dealing with this issue. I had to make sure there was no underlying reason for my two loved ones to not like each other – like, it would’ve been understandable if my cousin didn’t like my ex because he wouldn’t let me go out and live my life or that my cousin took advantage of our friendship, but that wasn’t the case. What it broke down to is that they had different interests and different lifestyle choices. In any other given situation, they just wouldn’t be friends, but they had to interact because they were both associated with me.

Eventually, I just kept the two separate. If they didn’t have to be around each other, I wouldn’t force them to be. When it came to situations where they did, both my ex and my cousin were respectful of each other’s relationship with me. They would just suck it up, make small talk, and call it a day.

Did I wish we were just the best of friends who always got along? Of course, but it’s not always going to be like that. So, my advice to any vinas dealing with a similar issue is to be reflective on the people you choose to hang out with and the people you choose to date. If they’re always bringing you up, supporting you, and loving you, then it shouldn’t matter if the two can’t get along, because the fact is – they’re not dating each other.

The best advice comes from the best of friends. Download the Hey! VINA app today!

THE BEST CONVERSATION ICE BREAKERS, ACCORDING TO DR. EMILY ANHALT

Dr. Emily Anhalt, a psychoanalytic psychotherapist, has a lot of sage advice to share about seamlessly turning an awkward first interaction into a fun get-to-know-each-other first hang. Ice breakers are hard, but follow this advice to make them easier. Test ’em out on your next vina date, and be sure to let us know how it goes!

Here are our top 5 favorite ice breaker questions from her Twitter:

This one is super fun, and it will help you get to know your vina on a personal level. If you’ve never asked yourself this question it can be a fun self-discovery exercise. I think the title of my autobiography would be “The Punk Rock Poetess” because of my passions for music and writing. What would yours be?

This next ice breaker is a tough one, and it’ll probably take your vina a minute to think about. But this question’s answer will be rewarding for both of you. It’ll allow you to reminisce on some pieces of information or advice you wish you had learned sooner.

Ahh, the age-old question. This one is humorous and might make you salivate on your vina date! I think my death-row last meal would be a burrito or sushi, but those both oddly seem like cop outs? Stress to your vina that they can pick anything, and get hungry enough to pick a second vina date at a restaurant!

Knowing you have one month to live is quite daunting, so how would you spend these 30 days? Would you go sky-diving? Would you spend each day with your family and friends? Ask your vinas this question to see if they are the dare-devil type or a cozy homebody (both are completely valid!).

This last ice breaker is another tough one. Would your vina choose designer purses? Or a lifetime supply of Goldfish crackers? Or clothing from a store of her choice? The possibilities are endless! Ask this question to get some good laughs on your vina date.

We hope these ice breaker tips from Dr. Emily Anhalt help you find some questions to ask on your next vina date! Want to ask a vina out for drinks? Check out Hey! VINA to find your next girl gang.

FRIENDSHIP GHOSTING: VINA ETIQUETTE DO’S AND DON’TS

In this day and age, we all know someone who has or been ghosted. In some instances, that person may be you. For those who don’t know, ghosting is the modern day term for giving someone the slip, usually in a way that involves technology (think: being left on read indefinitely). While the term is often reserved for Tinder matches and failed dating prospects, friendships are not immune to the one-sided decision to abruptly end a relationship. Not only is friendship ghosting a real thing, but it also happens for similar reasons to romantic ghosting: lousy communication, safety concerns, or even just lack of interest.

Because it’s 2019, here are some do’s and don’ts of friend ghosting:

DO CONSIDER YOUR “WHY”

It’s just as important to figure out what you don’t like as it is to figure out what you do like. Reap the most from your situation by asking why you need to end your friendship and why you need to do it via ghosting. Whether you’re ghosting because you just never feel like answering your old group partner’s invite to drinks, or because you had a falling out that would make the Real Housewives cringe, you’ll learn something new. You may find that your friendship had turned toxic and now you know which behaviors you want to steer clear of in future relationships. The reason your ghosting could be linked to knowing based on past actions that your ex-friend will not respond well to confrontation. Conclusions like these can help you spot red flags early on, and avoid having to ghost in the future.

DON’T GHOST TO BE PETTY

2019 is the year that self-care gets taken up a notch and we start looking at the toxic behaviors that we perform in our own lives. Have you been manipulative or selfish in a friendship? Have you been the one who has caused many of the issues you’re experiencing? Is there something you need to apologize for? If so, don’t ghost! Get your conscious clear and say what you need to say.

Ghosting should be done in your best interest, not as your go-to move for when you want to get back at someone and avoid responsibility for your actions. You don’t want to cut off conversations and attempts at reconciliation because you don’t like what you’re hearing or the outcome of the situation. You also don’t want to ghost and then spread rumors or wrongfully “expose” someone. As Dita Von Teese once said:
“Keep your dignity at all times.”

DO KNOW THAT IT’S OKAY TO GHOST SOMETIMES

Some people stand by the idea that ghosting is never okay and there’s never a good reason for it. We’re going to have to disagree. Ending all communication with a person for the sake of your mental health and well being, your safety, your valuable time is a hard but sometimes necessary decision. If you’re making this decision for you, feel okay about it. You don’t have to be ashamed or feel guilty about putting yourself first.

You should think about the role you played in the downfall of the relationship while also knowing that you can’t change another person. You can only change yourself based on what’s best for you.

DON’T MAKE GHOSTING A HABIT

As convenient as ghosting can be, there is a benefit to having hard conversations. This past year was the first time I had to tell a person close to me that we couldn’t be friends anymore. Actually saying those words hurt. However, I learned a lot from that situation and was able to say, “we push each other’s boundaries in unhealthy ways. Maybe we’ll be able to rekindle this sometime in the future, but not now.”

I also had someone tell me they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. Being on the other end of the break up is just as painful. It sucked, but I was able to see her point of view. Our values just didn’t align and they hadn’t for a while. It was time to part ways. It hurts, and I wish I could be everything for everyone and vice versa, but that’s never going to happen. I have closure and learned a lot from both situations: something I never would have gotten if I’d ghosted or been ghosted. Hard conversations can be worth it.

In an ideal world, no one would have to ghost anyone. We would all be on the same page and have similar communication styles. Unfortunately, that’s not the world we live in, but it is where we should strive to be. Put yourself first, keep your dignity, and do what you need to find some good old fashioned peace. If that means deleting a phone number or blocking a social media account now and again, now you know how to do it.

Swipe through Hey! VINA to find your next gal pal that you’d never want to ghost.

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS WHEN SUFFERING FROM A MENTAL OR CHRONIC ILLNESS

“We are all a little broken. But last time I checked, broken crayons still color the same.” – Trent Shelton.

As someone who was diagnosed with several mental and chronic illnesses, I have felt myself to be alone, and I am alone still. I have spent most of my life hinting at things, foreshadowing that I was struggling to make friends because of my illnesses. Loneliness comes from the inability to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding views which others seem to find inadmissible.

I voyaged my way into forming friendships that felt right to me. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to form healthy friendships throughout the years, despite my health issues. Below are the steps I followed to form long-lasting friendships. 

ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE

Whether you are introverted or extroverted, learn to accept your personality despite what you are going through. You may get caught up with your health, especially after your diagnosis, and that may make you neglect who you are or how you interact with people.

It is normal for someone who has recently been diagnosed with an illness to lose friends. You must understand that people deal with different challenges on a daily basis. Friends may not entirely comprehend what you are going through, affecting your self-esteem and causing you to critique yourself. Please don’t listen to that voice — the inner critic — in your head that says you aren’t good enough. You are here alive today because you have a purpose. Your diagnosis is just part of who you are, and it isn’t entirely you. Think of yourself as a gemstone; they are imperfect, but they absorb light and radiate color spectrums. Try to turn tragedy into a magical mystery. It isn’t easy but it is worth a try.

ACCEPT YOUR DIAGNOSIS

Before a person can accept a diagnosis, they initially may need to grieve. You must allow yourself to feel pain and disappointment about your life not being the same anymore. Cry and try to talk about it to the ones closest to you. Understand that some of these people may dismiss you or your feelings about your situation, but that doesn’t necessarily define the path your life is taking. Accept that, when you have to come into terms with your diagnosis, you will inevitably be vulnerable. People may say or insinuate things about you that aren’t true — try to trust your intuition about this.

CONSIDER ADOPTING A PET

Pets are noble companions. It may be a good idea to consider adopting a pet, especially if you have been struggling to form friendships with people. They are loyal, and you can always count on them during the good and bad times.

CONTRIBUTE IN SOCIETY + PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE

This is a time for you to consider volunteering in your community! This may expose you to different people and working environments outside of your comfort zone. Volunteering helped me meet different people and people with similar health issues and make new friends.

Volunteer work is not only done to improve your resume; you will learn skills that not only become vital in the workplace, but are also necessary for life. Exploring new places makes you become more self-aware about your surroundings and yourself. Your health issues are a part of your life, however, as previously stated, your health issues do not completely define who you are. 

JOIN MENTAL AND CHRONIC ILLNESS SUPPORT GROUPS

One of the hardest things that I had to deal with after being diagnosed with an illness was educating myself and understanding the emotional aspects of having to deal with such an ordeal. Joining mental and chronic illness support groups either online or in your community can help you process and grieve over your diagnosis. Support groups have always been my safe haven for asking all sorts of questions regarding the illnesses I have been diagnosed with. There are admins and moderators in certain online support groups to help control and manage the group and the tone in which people use to communicate with each other.

Unfortunately, trolls can be found anywhere online these days, but luckily most online support groups, especially Facebook support groups, are private. This means that whatever you decide to post in those groups is only seen by people who are within the group. 

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

If you have issues forming meaningful relationships or friendships, it may be difficult to express your feelings with people without feeling judged. Chances are, you might not be the only one who has had that issue. If you feel lonely and want to speak to someone, you could kindly request people to speak to you in private, which may easily help you make online friends. The same applies to support groups in your area. The only difference is, you get to meet with people on a weekly basis and discuss issues you might be facing.

Trust me, this acts as a form of talk therapy, and getting resources from such platforms helped me expand my knowledge about my illnesses. Most importantly, you’ll get to learn that you are not alone in your suffering. Feeling a sense of community is quite important. In fact, I consider it to be a basic human need.

It is imperative that a vina always remembers to take care of herself, especially when she is ill. If things feel wrong, learn to not pursue them. Learn to listen to your body and your intuition. If your body needs rest, then allow yourself to rest. Trust your own process and your body because nobody is you and that is your power. Articulate yourself in a respectful manner, and learn not to drown in other people’s opinions. Do not be a people-pleaser; learn to please yourself, because you come first. Never speak poorly about yourself, and do not listen to your inner critic, for it is your worst enemy.

Be more self-aware and kind to yourself. Let go of things you have no control over, and let your life unfold into the beauty and terror, and all that comes in between. Always learn from bad experiences, trust yourself, and most importantly, believe in yourself.  Love all the people in your life, and know when to walk away if a relationship fails. Some people will be toxic and narcissistic, others will love you for who you truly are. Unfortunately, meeting new people isn’t easy but if you know your own worth, no one can ever make you doubt yourself. Never lower your standards just so you can have people in your life. This is the hardest lesson I had to learn when I was forming new relationships. 

PEOPLE SKILLS: CONQUER YOUR FEARS

Start new conversations wherever you are. You would be amazed at how small talk or simple conversations with strangers can easily turn into intellectually-stimulating conversations. Approach life as a learning curve because there is not one specific way that people can go about meeting each other. I met all my friends in different ways. Some of my friends were my classmates in college, others were some that I met randomly by politely speaking to them in restaurants or other public places. Most of them I met in bookstores, because I love reading, and I very well consider myself a book lover.

You are still the same person before your diagnosis. Nothing has changed much about you, you just managed to get help from health professionals and that is what a diagnosis represents. It doesn’t symbolize your hopes and dreams, nor does it represent your personality. Go out there and learn more about this world and find people that make you happy.

SUICIDE IS NOT AN OPTION

There was a point in my life where I got so many diagnoses that I was self-harming and I eventually contemplated suicide. I had no friends about me, I was devastatingly lonely. I couldn’t articulate myself well, my speech was always hazy and my shoulders were constantly dropping. I not only considered my body as a burden, but I felt like a heavy burden to my own parents because of all the medical bills and my failure to form noble companionships with people. I didn’t know that this was far from the truth back then.

My acts of self-harm were an expression of my pain. I tried to use my own body as a container for my own rage because of my health issues. I felt lonely, and I sometimes do still feel lonely. What I failed to do was talk to someone that could hear me out. I failed to recognize that ruminating about death was simply me internally screaming for help and wanting the pain to end.

I wanted to live, I loved life, but I hated the responsibility that was posed upon me by my health issues. My health issues made it so difficult for me to function in society. I was constantly on the phone calling a counselor on a suicidal line, in the hopes of getting help. I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to meet people but I had no idea about how I should start meeting people.

My parents talked me out of it, and so did the counselors I spoke to on the phone. If you are in any way suicidal, remember that you are worth it. Find a safe haven or someone who can help you. The inner critic is just playing mind games with you; find people who can talk you out of it. You will get through this and you will have friends one day. 

If you are having these internal thoughts and are thinking of harming yourself, put your safety first and reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

TRY ONLINE WEBSITES AND APPS

If you have issues meeting new people in your area, or if you’ve been too ill to go out, it would be a wonderful idea to consider using online websites or apps like Hey! VINA to meet new people. When I was diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) and Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), I was constantly in a psychiatric ward and that resulted in me losing a lot of friends and struggling to form friendships. I used the Hey! VINA app to meet new women where I lived, and, using my gut instincts, I made new friends and overcame some of my social anxiety. Go ahead and try it!

Sending love, light, joy, and blessings your way. Let us rebuild a healthy state of mind together by connecting on Hey! VINA. There, you are never alone in your mental health journey.

100 YEARS OF POWER

I’ve been thinking a lot about June 4, 1919—the historic day Congress passed the 19th Amendment, granting all American women the right to vote. Tomorrow is the annual Women’s March, and 137 days until June 4, 2019, when it will be 100 years since that iconic date. 100 years of women’s suffrage; 100 years of women working to empower other women, 100 years of women speaking up, demanding change. 100. A big number and a small number all at once.

When I launched Hey! VINA, I knew I wanted to create a safe place for women to meet, connect, and join forces. I wanted us to have smart resources so that no matter where we are in our lives or in the world, we have the support system of other women in our lives there for us. I know that when you put a group of women together, sh*t gets done. As my friend Shelley Zalis of The Female Quotient puts it: “A woman alone has power; together we have impact.”

From the 19th Amendment to the #MeToo movement, history proves that women supporting women creates a wave of change. And not just any wave—but a tidal wave.

We see it with women like Tarana Burke, who started the Me Too movement in 2006, which led to 252 celebrities, politicians, CEOs and others accused of sexual misconduct since April 2017. Or newly elected U.S. congresswomen Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley and Rashida Tlaib—who call one another “squad” and “dream team,” as they band together to put an end to the patriarchy that has upheld male power and privilege for far too long. Malala Yousafzai, who is fighting for millions of girls around the world to go to school. Or the sister survivors who bravely testified against U.S. gymnastics Olympic team “doctor” Larry Nassar, joining together to not only put him behind bars but to dismantle the system that allowed him to hurt so many, despite countless reports, warnings and red flags.

The list of women in this tidal wave is endless—and it’s only getting bigger.

It’s about damn time! For far too long, we’ve been living in the culture of patriarchy, where women were portrayed and taught by men-led entertainment companies and T.V. shows to compete with one another and become ‘frenemies.’ If we weren’t fighting over a guy, then we had to be fighting over a job, or a shirt, or a diet. I can’t even count how many times I’ve explained Hey! VINA to a man, and he’s exclaimed, “I thought women hated each other!” No bud, that’s just simply not true.

But we’ve flipped that script. We’ve leaned in. We’ve leaned out. We’ve linked up. We’ve supported each other—in every tagged #BelieveWomen meme, in every hashtag, in every march, we’ve fought the false narrative of women and how we see each other.

When I envision the future generations of women and what the picture looks like for the next 100 years, I see community, not competition. I see strength. In the next 100 years, there won’t be a day when we have a dream that feels too big for us. We will always feel supported. We will always feel like we have a network behind us, cheering us on, picking us up when one of us falls down.

We are laying the future of friendship right now. Today. We waste no time. We know there is a real human need for friendship. With loneliness being the biggest health epidemic of our time—equated to smoking 15 cigarettes a day—our health, happiness, and lifespan depend on making these solid, meaningful connections.

We know that women live about five percent longer than men—and our demand for community and need for sisterhood could be the reason, “Some have posited that the reason for females’ longer lives is due to our abilities in the social sphere,” says Amy Yotopoulos, Director of the Mind Division at the Stanford Center on Longevity. 

Could investing in your social life be a key factor in living to 100? Science says it certainly can! Not regularly spending time with friends and prioritizing your social connections has shown to reduce your lifespan by 30%, but on the upside, having close friends and spending time with them has shown to increase your lifespan by 50%.

We need these close bonds to keep the momentum going—so I’m making a 100 year commitment to you with Hey! VINA. In honor of the upcoming 100 year anniversary of the 19th Amendment, and in effort to help you live to centenarian status, I’m introducing the Hey! VINA Century Club. We’re offering a limited group of vinas the opportunity to join our Century Club, which means that you have 100 years of VINA VIP status. You’ll get all the amazing benefits of being a VINA VIP on the app, but more than that, you’ll be investing in the future of friendship for you and for women everywhere for the next 100 years.

We’ll add 100 years to your life. 100 years of vinas to meet. 100 years of friendships that will help you get through any hardship you face. 100 years of laughs. 100 years of a shoulder to cry on. 100 years of sisterhood.

Let’s live it up for the next 100 years together, and become a VINA Century Club member. Just look at all that women have accomplished together in 100 years. What does the next 100 hold for us?

Want to become a VINA Century Club member? Sign up on the Hey! VINA iOS app. 

SURE-FIRE WAYS TO START BUILDING ROOTS IN A NEW CITY

Being thrown into a new place can be extremely scary. Think back to when you were the new vina in 2nd grade, or even when you were the newbie in the office. You don’t have much knowledge of where things are, what there is to do for fun, and chances are you may not even have anyone to grab coffee with! ☕️

Well fellow vinas, I have been there. Almost two years ago, my husband and I packed up all of our belongings in our first little home in Michigan and moved across the country to Alabama due to him receiving a promotion at work. I had to quit my job, say goodbye to all of my friends and, to top it all off, I was pregnant! So, that meant moving away from my family during a new and scary time of my life. I spent my hot, southern summer days sitting by the pool alone. After days on end of being lonely, I decided that it was time for me to branch out and make my mark in my new city.

Below are the five tips that helped me to build a support system, meet new friends and find a badass job all while being in a new city:

GET A JOB

I decided that I was going to change my whole career while I was here, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done! I went from a suit-and-heels banker to managing pilates studios. While at work, I got to meet like-minded people and engage in interesting conversations. I also got invited to tailgate, go to mommy sales and even got invited out to lunch. Plus having an extra paycheck doesn’t hurt either.💰

VOLUNTEER

Back in Michigan, I was under the impression that I had NO time to spare in my life. So my days usually consisted of work, exercise class and then sleeping. I’m not sure if it’s the southern sunshine, but I felt the urge while pregnant and working to volunteer, and I don’t regret my busy schedule for one second! Volunteering helped me to meet successful people in the community, attend upscale events, and I even met my workout buddy from volunteering. Besides meeting people, volunteering also helped to reduce my newbie anxiety by helping me to put my life into perspective. There are a lot people in the world who have larger challenges, so I knew that making roots was something that was achievable.

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SET UP VINA DATES

Hello?! Why wouldn’t you use Hey! Vina to meet new friends? The app allows you to locate other vinas in your area and event set up events. I’ve set up walks in my area and even asked another vina on a wine night. 🥂

DON’T BE AFRAID TO JUMP IN

I used to be very shy when it came to casually inviting myself into other people’s plans, but not anymore! I’m not saying to be pushy, but if you overhear people talking about going to a concert, let them know you are interested, or if someone has a cute outfit on let that vina know, because when you have common ground it’s easier to make friendshipsand friends = coffee and wine sidekicks.

EXPLORE

Get out there, it’s a big universe! I would literally drive around different parts of the city to learn street names, restaurants and different attractions. This helped me to be able to make recommendations when I finally did get friends, so I always had the deets on all of the cool places to go. I knew the 411 on all of the hot spots for date night, and when my family and friends came to visit, I felt well adjusted and proud of my new home.

As I previously stated, being new can be hard work, but it doesn’t have to be! Use these five tips to start making roots in your new home ASAP! Home isn’t a place, it’s where your heart is.

To take a leap of faith and start meeting new vinas, download Hey! VINA on the App Store today! You’ll never know what budding friendship might be just a swipe away 👯📱

FROM TEXT TO IRL: HOW TO MAKE YOUR VINA DATE HAPPEN

You swiped right, texted daily on the phone and are now eager to meet up and connect IRL. We’re talking vina dates here! It is a much more exciting process, subjectively speaking, to connect and make new friends, as sisterhood is so important. This should ease your nerves. But, in reality, this is still a nerve-racking moment. You are officially going to meet your vina in person. How do you go from texting to that first official date? Let this vina give you some tips!

LOCATION MATTERS

It is always essential to pick a date spot that allows you to connect with your vina. Do not pick someplace like the movies. Similar to any romantic date, conversation is key when trying to connect with someone. Humans bond with communication. This can allow you both to open up about your lives and see if there’s chemistry there. I would suggest finding a spot like a café, or a cool lunch spot, where you can relax and open up to one another. For thinking outside the box, think about going to a paint-and-sip or a nail date. The key is to pick a place that is open and doesn’t force you to be too distracted so you can pay attention to your vina. When presenting this idea to your new potential bestie, work with each other’s schedules. By now, conversations on the phone has allowed you to learn the basics: their location, occupation, age, etc. This will ease the scheduling process to get that first date in the books.

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DON’T DILLYDALLY

You’re on Hey! VINA to meet new friends—and so are the other vinas. So what are you waiting for? It’s nice to send an introductory message and a few key facts about yourself and vice versa, but the fact of the matter is that friendships are made IRL. So bite the bullet and be the first one to ask your vina match out for a coffee date (or whatever your heart desires). Chances are they’ll be more than happy to; after all, that’s what they’re on there for.

BE YOURSELF

Once your vina accepts, then congratulations! My only advice from then on is to be yourself. Your authentic energy is what drew them to you in the first place. Go on that friend date with an open heart and mind. No matter the outcome, as long as you were yourself, then there is nothing to worry. As stated before, it is okay to be nervous. You want people to like you. You want that same chemistry you got from them over the phone.  Quality time is so essential to establishing friendships and maintaining them. The first date with your vina shouldn’t be seen as a hurdle, but a beautiful moment you can share with someone to connect and possibly build a long-lasting connection.

To any vinas out there getting ready for their first friend sesh: Take some deep breaths. Tell yourself that this is someone you have already connected with and that the same vibe will be felt in real life. Go on that date being your best self and let things organically flow. Know that you are worthy of a healthy, positive and beautiful friendship. You are enough, and the love and care you give as a friend are enough. The most important thing? Enjoy yourself and this new person in front of you—that’s the whole reason to do it.

May we all open ourselves to new, long-lasting and beautiful friendships in the new year and beyond!

Make that first date happen! Get on the Hey! VINA app today to connect with some kickass vinas. 

HOW TO MEET NEW FRIENDS AND GET MORE SWIPES ON HEY! VINA

We can all pretty much agree that the Hey! VINA app is AWESOME, right?! The whole concept of meeting new friends in your area with similar interests, hobbies, family lives, etc. what’s better than that?! Just having someone to grab a glass of wine with is honestly everything.

As all strong women do, we crave a sense of community and quality relationships. But even with all the technology out there designed to help us “connect,” it’s still easier than ever to feel lonelier than ever. I mean, come on. Making new friends is hard enough without having to make the first move. Nobody wants to be the one to send the “Hey! Let’s be besties!” text.

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Since I’ve joined the VINA community, I’ve found myself more open to finding those new vina connections through all of the groups and personality quizzes the platform offers. It makes it so much easier and comfortable to get out there and find your vina gang! Check out these 5 tricks to get more swipes and find that gang even faster!

CHOOSING A PROFILE PICTURE THAT SHOWCASES YOUR PERSONALITY

I know this sounds insanely cheesy, and maybe a bit obvious, but it makes a big difference! Your profile picture is the first thing potential besties will see, so you want to make sure it’s unapologetically you. And of course, a good smile never hurts. It brightens up your face, radiates positivity, and everyone loves a friendly face! I would also recommend a pic of you doing something you love; hiking, sipping on coffee, or just chilling in your living room with a glass of wine. Other vinas love seeing someone they can relate to, and are more likely to swipe right on someone they feel is a fellow soul sista!

FILL OUT YOUR PROFILE COMPLETELY

Yes, the whole thing! Besides the basics like your name and birthday, you have the option to expand the radius of vinas that can see your profile, and that you can connect with. Giving yourself and extra 25 miles will add a whole new group of vinas to your possibility pool! Beyond that, choose your age range, and describe yourself in 5 emojis, who doesn’t love that?! The more you fill out your profile, the more vinas you’ll attract, which equals the best friend jackpot!

MAKE YOUR “ABOUT ME” DESCRIPTION POP

Everyone is using this app to meet friends, so you can leave that part out. Tell us about your love of dancing to Ariana Grande in your bath robe, how you collect Golden Girls memorabilia, or how you whip up big Sunday dinners with the whole fam every weekend. Those are the things that make you unique and help your profile stand out, so be as specific as possible. You are an original, tell the world about what makes you special!

JOIN MULTIPLE COMMUNITIES

This is a space where you can let people know what you like to do, who you are interested in hanging out with, what activities you’re most likely to be found doing, or what new groups you wanna explore. This allows other vinas to relate to you on multiple levels, and get to know a little more about your interests that weren’t included in your “about me” rant.

BECOME A VINA VIP

This option does cost money, but so does that Starbucks pumpkin spice latte you just bought, and having unlimited access to a community of women to make connections with and relate to is worth way more. VINA VIP allows you to get instant matches from your “hey list” so that you can get dittos faster. You can undo your skips in case you want a second look, or your interests and hobbies change, and you have the ability to use the teleport option to change your location to anywhere in the world and meet vinas outside of your local area too! Plus, you get all kinds of new badass features. It’s totally worth the buy!

What are you waiting for?! Download the Hey! VINA app now and start swiping!✌️

BREAK THAT ICE! 10 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR NEW VINA

Meeting new friends can be scary. When it comes time to meet your new vina offline, it’s normal to feel anxious about real-life conversation topics. Conversations can take some time to get into a flow before getting off the ground, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself. To get you started, here are some questions to try on your next vina date! 

What are you looking forward to this week?

What’s the most beautiful place you’ve been to?

What personal passion project are you working on right now?

What was the last book you read that you really loved?

If you could teach a university course on any subject you want, what would it be?

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What’s your favorite piece of technology that you own?

Which T.V. show are you binge watching right now?

What’s the signature dish that you cook?

What was your first job? Did you like it?

What are you freakishly good at?

Ready to get to know some vinas near you? Download Hey! VINA today and start swiping! Your future bestie is out there waiting for you.✌️

ALL THE BEST THANKSGIVING EPISODES TO GET YOU IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT

The best way to prepare for the holidays is to curl up with your vinas and hit play on the TV theme that brought us the most drama, laughs, and heartbreaks: Thanksgiving! Don’t know where to start? Here’s a list of the most iconic moments in holiday TV history.

And for any shows not listed, here’s a tip: the Thanksgiving episodes generally tend to fall on the 8th-11th episode of a season (mid-season, give or take), so if you’re wondering if your favorite show has any holiday spirit, now you know where to look first!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Friends is kind of the king of Thanksgiving episodes. With the exception of season 2 (which technically mentions Thanksgiving in episode 9, but barely) each season has a dedicated episode centering around what it’s like to celebrate a holiday with the 6 best friends that anyone could have.

Season 1 Episode 9: The one where underdog gets away

Season 3 Episode 9: The one with the football (return of the Geller cup)

Season 4 Episode 8: The one with Chandler in a box

Season 5 Episode 8: The one with all the Thanksgivings

Season 6 Episode 9: The one where Ross got high (the infamous half trifle half shepherds pie is created)

Season 7 Episode 8: The one where Chandler doesn’t like dogs (and Ross hates ice cream)

Season 8 Episode 9: The one with the rumor

Season 9 Episode 8: The one with Rachel’s other sister (crazy plate lady is born)

Season 10 Episode 8: The one with the late Thanksgiving

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

Coming in at a close second to Friends in the Thanksgiving department, HIMYM gave us some pretty incredible holiday memorabilia. They feature a dedicated TG episode in 5 of the 9 seasons and none of them disappoint us even a little. Here are the top moments:

Season 1 Episode 9: Belly Full of Turkey

Season 3 Episode 9: Slapsgiving (the episode that gave us “You Just Got Slapped,” lyrical moment of the century)

Season 5 Episode 9: Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the slaps

Season 6 Episode 10: Blitzgiving (the turturkeykey is invented)

Season 9 Episode 14: Slapsgiving 3: Slappointment in Slapmarra

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GOSSIP GIRL

Nobody serves up just desserts better than GG, especially if it’s Thanksgiving and someones checking into the Ostroff Center. Whether it’s a Van Der Woodsen inviting a “bump in,” or a Humphrey screwing everyone over, secrets will come out. Check out our top picks:

Season 1 Episode 9: Blair Waldorf must pie!

Season 2 Episode 11: The Magnificent Archibalds

Season 3 Episode 11: The Treasure of Serena Madre (the episode that gave us the greatest dinner scene in television history, and the most memorable 4 minutes: 19:34-23:11)

Season 6 Episode 8: It’s Really Complicated (the one where Nate punches Dan in the face…FINALLY)

NEW GIRL

Vinas, New Girl kind of came out of nowhere and unexpectedly gave us one of the most heartwarming and hilarious shows in television history. When it aired in 2011, I don’t think anybody had any idea that this show was going to produce 5 TG episodes that give Friends a run for its money. Ok, nobody can outdo Friends, we know, but this is a pretty good attempt.

Season 1 Episode 6: Thanksgiving (the one that gave us a play within a show, “Big Time”)

Season 2 Episode 8: Parents

Season 3 Episode 10: Thanksgiving III

Season 4 Episode 9: Thanksgiving IV (or otherwise known as “bangsgiving”)

Season 6 Episode 7: Last Thanksgiving

THE OC

It’s been 12 years and I think we’re all still crying about the ending of The OC. But in the haze of Chrismukkah, some of the most eventful TG moments got swept away. Yep, that’s right! The OC actually does have holiday episodes that don’t revolve around Seth Cohen’s made up (none the less iconic) celebration.

Season 1 Episode 11: The Homecoming

Season 4 Episode 3: The Cold Turkey

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HONORABLE MENTIONS

While these shows don’t have a laundry list of Thanksgiving gold like the aforementioned, we think their holiday moments are still totally worth the watch.

One Tree Hill Season 8 Episode 9: Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace

90210 Season 4 Episode 10: Smoked Turkey

Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 12: Taking This One to the Grave

The Office Season 7 Episode 9: WUPHF.com

Full House Season 1 Episode 9: The Miracle of Thanksgiving

The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 8: Fade Into You

Download Hey! VINA to find a binge-watch vina for all your holiday hibernating!