WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE STUCK BETWEEN TWO FRIENDS WHO DON’T GET ALONG

We’ve all been there, right? When two friends in your group are just not feelin’ each other? Maybe they’re really different, maybe they just spend too much time together, or maybe their cycles are synced up (😉)! Who knows, but when this happens, it always feels like you’re stuck in the middle—giphy.gif

It’s really easy to get annoyed at everyone involved when something like this comes up. Trust me, I’ve been there. Not only does it feel like you’re back in middle school again, but it feels like you can’t really do anything right in the situation. Like when one friend is talking sh*t, are you supposed to defend your other friend? Should you tell either of them that the other is totally annoyed? Should you ignore both of them until they deal with their own drama?

Well, since I’ve been there I want to offer some advice. And it’s really simple advice. It took me dealing with a few of these predicaments before coming to this conclusion. Why? I’m a fix-it type of person. If two friends aren’t getting along, I will definitely try to make them patch things up. I’ll defend them both to each other, which really ends up just annoying them. I’ll set up hangouts so that everyone can just get along! Sure, it ends up being awkward and phony but I’m fixing things, right?

Nope.

And this brings me to my advice for you, vinas. Don’t do a thing. Seriously, the situation will most likely just blow over. But if you get too involved the situation will likely blow up, in your face that is. I know it can be frustrating being on the receiving end of two friends hating on each other, but as the mutual friend, you sort of have to deal with that. And you’ll make things a lot easier on yourself if you just don’t do anything! When they talk about how annoying the other is, just listen. That’s all you have to do! You don’t have to agree or disagree to validate what each is saying—your friends just need someone to vent to until they can work out their issues for themselves.

So that’s all it is – just be there for both your friends. And if it gets to being too much, take time to yourself. But most of the time, in situations like this, things sort themselves out!

Have you been in this sitch? Tell us about it in the comments below! And if you’re looking to expand your tribe, start swiping right!

Featured image via yenmag.net

IS IT TIME TO GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH AN ESTRANGED FRIEND?

Ever catch yourself thinking about the one that got away? BTW I’m not talking about that romantic fling from a few years ago — no, I’m talking about that one friend that you used to do everything with and just haven’t seen in forever. I’ve talked to many women about friendships that fizzle out, or friendships that end dramatically, and I’ve found it’s pretty rare that you get full closure from a breakup with a friend. I started to wonder why that is.

It really depends on the situation right? And there are so so many different instances where you and a bestie might “break up.”

Take my sister, for instance, she and her best friend from high school stopped talking because the friend was dating a guy that was super possessive and unsupportive of her friendships.

I have another friend who stopped talking to one of her close friends who just started self-destructing in multiple ways, and my friend didn’t know how to help. She also didn’t want to enable the behavior so she walked away from the relationship.

And I have actually let a couple friendships just slowly wither away because we went to different colleges and our lives seem so different from one another’s after a certain amount of time.

Basically, there’s lots of reasons why friendships end, but I’m here to tell you that you really only need one reason to rekindle that friendship. You miss them! Seriously! Reconnecting with a friend doesn’t have to come with any obligations or pressure. It’s literally as simple as the fact that you miss them and want to reach out. But of course it can become complicated if you go into it without thinking a little bit ahead.

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If you’re like me and you simply just drifted away from a particular friendship, it’s literally as easy as sliding into that DM! Message your old friend, tell her you love her new hair color, or ask her how her recent vacation was! And just put it out there that you’d love to catch up! It’s more than likely that she misses you too, and you’ll be shocked at how easily you’ll end up talking for hours.

Of course, if you ended on more serious terms you’ll want think about it a little more thoroughly. I personally feel that if you miss this person, you certainly should catch up with them whether or not the personal situation has changed. It’s tough, but since time has passed, it’s more likely you can both sit down and have an honest conversation. Express why you left that friendship behind, but how it means so much to you even after all this time. Even if you don’t go back to being as close as before, at least you will have said your piece!

Looking for a new vina to help you get through this lonely-ish time? Start swiping

NATIONAL BEST FRIENDS DAY: FRIENDSHIP TRADITIONS WE LOVE

Happy National Best Friends Day! Today, we’re reminded of how important a BFF is. Here are some special traditions that you and your bestie can start together!

It was one of my close friend’s birthdays recently, and I decided to write her a heartfelt love letter, just reminding her how much she means to me. I was telling her how good it felt to write a letter, and apparently she writes letters to her friends too! It got me thinking about all of the adorable things we do with our vinas. So, I’ve collected a few ideas from friends that you all can try out for yourselves! You’re bound to fall in love with one of these friendship traditions.

BIRTHDAY YEAR COMPLIMENTS

Every year, when your BFF gets one year older, write out a list of what you love about them. However old they’re turning is how many compliments you write. It’s also just as sweet if you just tell them twenty-seven compliments to their face!

SEASONAL GIFTS

On the first day of each season, give your vina a little trinket or gift that’s related to that season. For example, when winter arrives give them a cozy beanie you made, or come spring, send flowers to their work!

TREAT YO’ SELF DAY

Okay, this idea didn’t exactly come from personal friends—actually, no—Donna and Tom are totally my BFFs. For those of you who don’t watch Parks and Rec: one, what are you even doing with your life? And two, watch the Treat Yo’self episode, and this will soon become a tradition for you and your BFF!giphy (20).gif

PRETEND YOU’RE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL AGAIN

Remember the days you weren’t old enough for wine, or mani/pedis? The days when you ate microwaved snacks and soda and painted each other’s nails? This may come as a surprise, but revisiting those days can be really fun! Pick a day out of the month that works for you and your vina, make DIY face masks, paint each other’s nails, and turn on Mean Girls, or Save the Last Dance, or whatever movie you were obsessed with back in the day.

And there you have it vinas! Those are just a few cute ideas you can try out, and I’m sure there are more just waiting to be uncovered.

Already have a fun tradition between you and your BFF? Tell us about it in the comments! And don’t forget to expand your tribe here.

(Featured image via Soy Actitud)

WHY YOU SHOULD WRITE LETTERS TO YOUR FRIENDS

When was the last time you received a heartfelt letter from someone? Honestly, I never had someone write me a letter—like full on letter until I left my last job. I had made a few wonderful life-long friends there, and leaving was ruh-diculously hard. But on my last day, a close friend handed me an envelope and just told me to read it when I got home. Like I said, I’d never really gotten a full on letter before, so I just decided to read it in my car— and cue the water works. Seriously, I cried like I was moving away and would never see this person again, even though I actually hung out with her a couple days ago!54a78add788db_-_crying

It was just something else entirely to have someone write out how much you mean to them. Yes, it’s wonderful to talk on the phone and hang out and constantly remind your friends how much you love them—but there’s something special about a letter. Honestly, when I’m feeling like I’m failing at life completely, I’ll read that letter and instantly feel better knowing how much someone believes in me. After receiving that letter I decided to pay it forward and write another good friend of mine a letter because she moved to another state last year.

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I knew what I wanted to say but I didn’t know how good it would feel just letting it all flow out. Yes, I’ve always enjoyed writing, but there’s something especially liberating about telling someone you care about just how much you care about them. I was totally honest and vulnerable in explaining to my friend why she inspires me and why I’m so grateful for her friendship.

LETTERS.jpgYou know, there are plenty of reasons to write letters to people, but all I know is that it feels really good! Whether you receive a handwritten letter or give one, it just makes you feel strangely closer to the person whom you’re writing to, and it’ll make you feel closer to yourself.

My friend ended up calling me while I was at work, when she received her letter. She went into this whole thing about how she was feeling so crappy at work and my handwriting is precious and how she’s going to keep the letter forever and she misses me so so much, etc. And yes, she was crying—honestly, it may not be the letters, we may just be an emotional group! #allthefeels

Received any great love letter from your vinas? Tell us about it in the comments!

DEEP BREATHING MIGHT JUST BE THE ONE THING YOU NEED TO ADD TO YOUR HECTIC ROUTINE

I know I’m not the only person here that literally has everyday of the week scheduled out to the minute. For real, whether it’s work, school, working out, taking care of the kids, or social life-ing, adulting is exhausting and stressful. So, it’s pretty critical that we find ways to unwind.

But like, I don’t have time for that. I said that to my boxing coach after she asked me if I do any self-care besides working out and she looked like she wanted to knock me out. She had a point though, working out is honestly just another item on my list to check off— and if it’s on a list under errands and homework, it certainly doesn’t feel like self-care. Here’s what she told me about the power of deep breathing.

90 SECONDS OF DEEP BREATHING

Do it! Seriously all it takes is 90 seconds at any point in your day to make a huge impact. Deep breathing has countless benefits. Not only does it physically send a message to your brain to calm down, it physically relaxes your muscles. Deep breathing is literally a built-in stress reliever, so it’s the perfect way to end a jam-packed day. Since you’re literally relieving stress as you breathe, you’re also relieving your body of general aches and pains and toxins. Doing this right before bed will also help you fall asleep faster because you are literally slowing down your heartbeat and this will help you stay asleep.

Besides the physical benefits, deep breathing is amazing for your mental health as well. Consider it 90 seconds of meditating. But of course it doesn’t really count unless you commit to clearing your mind. So long as you focus on not focusing, deep breathing can relieve anxiety and elevate your mood altogether. All that said, it’s important to practice deep breathing properly, which does require some practice.

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  1. Close your eyes.
  2. Inhale through your nose, while expanding your stomach for 6 seconds.
  3. Hold your breath for 3 seconds.
  4. Then exhale through your mouth, pushing all the air out for 6 seconds.
  5. Repeat!

It’s pretty simple, but it’s critical to focus on nothing but breathing! Don’t think about your brunch date this weekend, don’t think about the report that’s due tomorrow, clear your mind!

Alright friends, I took my coach’s advice and have been practicing this 90 seconds thing for about a week now. Real talk: IT WORKS! Seriously, I mean it’s not like I don’t stress anymore, but it just feels good to end the day with a dose of mindfulness. Try it out!

How do you relax at the end of the day? Let us know in the comments!

VINA DATE IDEAS: AMSTERDAM

Ahh Amsterdam- it may be tremendously popular with tourists, but this city still manages to be one of the most underrated capitals. It’s always all about NYC or Paris, but let me tell you, Amsterdam will keep your heart. There’s no better way to explore all that Amsterdam has to offer than alongside a new vina!

If you’re in the mood for coffee- let’s be real, when are we not in the mood for coffee? Check out KOKO, a little coffee shop that features art, fashion, and books! Not only do they serve delightful vegan options, but the ambiance is the perfect blend of quirky and inviting.

In general, Amsterdam is on point with its brunch game, so it’s really hard to pick one spot! However, these eggs bennies at la Gartine should speak for themselves!

 

#brunch #eggbenedict #smokysalmon #largebreakfast #juice #gartineamsterdam #paysbas #holland #netherland #amsterdam

via @yuyiilee

Westerpark is a beautiful place to kick back and relax. You’ll find locals riding their bikes or enjoying picnics, so it’s a great spot to just enjoy the fresh air and people watch.

 

Bicicletas y caleidoscopio de ocres, rojos y amarillos = #otoño2016 #otoñoenamsterdam😍😍 #hacefrioperosonrio #amsterdamwest #amsterdam #westerparkamsterdam #instanature #instaautumn #herfst #bomen #iloveamsterdam❤️ #amsterdamlife #postcardfromamsterdamxxx

via @nhmagg

After a fun day of exploring, grab dinner at De Reiger! It’s perfect to take your new vina because it’s not a tourist spot, you’ll be among locals in the Jordaan District.

 

Hibernating Amsterdam. #visitingclients #dereiger #amsterdam #dutchwinter

via @dennivh

Since you can’t leave Amsterdam without adventuring the nightlife, hit up Door 74 for drinks! Not only do they serve mind-blowing cocktails, but the vibes are like a charming speakeasy.
Cocktails at #door74 #amsterdam

via @sjmparker

Last but certainly not least, Spuistraat is one of the coolest streets in Amsterdam in the world. Chock full of diverse street art, you will be blown away by all the amazing murals! Plus this street is full of historic buildings and shopping!

 

Colorful brick street and building#amsterdam🇳🇱 #art🎨 #amazing #brickstreet #fineartprint #spuistraat

via @fairuszain12

Of course when it comes to Amsterdam, the possibilities for you and your vina are endless, but there you have it: the perfect Amsterdam Hey! VINA date!
What are your fave spots to go with your vina in Amsterdam? Tell us in the comments!

HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR ON-AGAIN-OFF-AGAIN FRIEND

It’s a tale as old as time, the on-again-off-again relationship. Wait – hold up I meant to say friendship. Yes vinas, you know it’s true! It’s a tricky situation, but before you look for a solution, you want to diagnose the friendship. What I mean is that you need to determine what is causing your friendship to wither away. People drift apart for so many reasons, so keep in mind that whatever reason you have for your lack of effort in the friendship, your friend has their own obstacles to deal with. So first and foremost, you have to-

EMPATHIZE

When we’re dealing with our own hectic lives, it’s really difficult to even sympathize with other people’s problems. But this is crucial to keeping friendships alive! When it comes to these on-again-off-again friendships, try not to place blame on your friend. It may feel like you are putting in way more effort than they are, but remember they could feel the exact same way! When you start pointing the finger at each other, the friendship is headed down a dark path so don’t let yourself become resentful. Put yourself in your friend’s shoes.giphy.gif

COMMUNICATE- LIKE ACTUALLY THOUGH

Okay I know it’s 2017 and all of our texting games are on point. We got them gifs, emojis, bitmojis– so yeah, it’s easy to “communicate” without even communicating. But the thing with on-again-off-again friendships is that they’re fragile. And cute little emojis make it really easy to flake on those friendships. What I recommend is talk to each other. When you make plans, make sure to call each other because that inadvertently makes those plans a priority in your mind. If you’re both just too busy to hang out, talk on the phone to catch up. I mean hey, I used to talk on the phone with friends for hours in high school- let’s go back to the good ole’ days. Okay no one has time for hours on the phone, but seriously call each other!dinophone.jpg

MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER

Yeah, yeah, it’s a lot easier said than done. But if you truly value this friendship, prove it! Instead of going to the gym one day, put a couple hours aside to grab coffee with your friend- or better yet, workout together. I can’t stress this enough, friendships are really hard to maintain when you don’t see each other. Sometimes, it feels like making plans is so much work, but we have to make time for what’s important. Even if you’re both ridiculously busy, run errands together! Trust me, grocery shopping or going to the laundromat is a lot more fun with a friend anyway!

Vinas, we’ve all been in complicated friendships, but the most important thing is to decide how much we value the relationship. While it’s really helpful to empathize, communicate, and hang out, remember that just like an on-again-off-again relationship, you can breakup. It’s a sad truth, but you don’t feel too bad about a friendship if you are both ready to move on. It’s just a matter of deciding what you want. So vinas, if you know you want to keep your on-again-off-again friendship on, empathize, communicate, and make time for each other!

Ever been in this situation? Tell us in the comments!

 

WHY YOU NEED TO START A CRAFTING CLUB

So, I’ve always been into making things—whether it’s crocheting coasters, knitting scarves, sewing totes, or building bookshelves—I’ve done it all! I’m always trying to get my friends to take crafting classes with me, like those paint with wine types of things! But, tbh, why take a class when we can just figure it out and do it in our own homes? I mean helloooo, it is called DIY! Here’s your guide to starting a crafting club!

GET THE BOOZE

I’m totally serious! I mean, whenever I craft, I’m sipping on wine or beer, so why not do the same with friends?

But, once you have your vinas over for snacks and wine, organize! Designate a date for the next six months–yes this is a serious craft club! For each month, choose something to make. For example, in May you can make little succulent gardens, and in June you can make candles. Once each month’s craft is decided, designate a craft queen for each month. The #craftqueen has big responsibilities so be prepared if you volunteer yourself! As the queen, you will be in charge of roughly learning that craft—you don’t have to become an expert—just find directions and get the supplies.

VENUE

Since the craft queen shouldn’t have to do all the work, designate another person to pick a place. I usually have people over at my place, but you can get creative. Go to the park and embroider, or, if your group isn’t too big, go crochet at the coffee shop around the corner. Just make sure everyone knows the date and location ahead of time!

MAKE STUFF AND HAVE FUN

Once you have everything organized, just have a blast! And make sure everyone’s duties are shuffled around and everyone is learning a craft they are excited about. This is an awesome way to get closer as friends and actually stimulate our minds, instead of just going to brunch or something. JK, brunch is the best. But so is crafting!

Hey vinas! Have you started a craft club yet? Share some ideas in the comments below!

VINAS NIGHT OUT IN GIFS

It’s the weekend, vinas, which means it’s time for the rollercoaster of emotions that is partying. This is usually how it goes:

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Then I think, or not

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Actually no—let’s do this sh*t!

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Then I meet up with my vinas, and we let the bad bitches in us take over:

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And we proceed to do this:

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And even though, we feel like this:

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We know we’re lookin’ like this:

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But we really don’t give any f*cks!

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And when the creeps come out, we’re like:

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But they keep comin’!

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So we just make this our mantra:

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As the night goes on, we start to worry about each other:

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But it’s still the best night ever!

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Totally!

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Sort of…giphy (16).gif

But it’s all good because we end the night like this:

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Knowing tomorrow this will be us all day:

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Tell us what your vinas’ night out looks like in the comments below!

(Featured image via collegemagazine.com)

WAIT WHAT’S WITH ALL THE SELF DEPRECATION?

Do you ever have days when you tell yourself, “I’m gonna get my life together today”? C’mon, I can’t be the only one that does this! But #realtalk: I don’t think I’m giving myself enough credit, and I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit either!

I started to wonder why so many amazing vinas I know sell themselves short. Like, when did it become cool to embrace your inner train wreck? Did Amy Schumer start that trend? Or was it Jennifer Lawrence? Maybe Lena Dunham? At some point in the last few years, it became endearing AF for women to be flawed, messy, broken, self-deprecating, and “relatable.” Great news, right? We women finally get to be real and complicated! I’m not so sure…

I can’t help but feel like this “flawed AF” thing is a trap. Add it to the list of singular narratives that women are expected to fit into in order to be seen as whole humans. Since it’s just another confining cliché like girl next door or cool chick or guy’s girl, don’t but into it, vinas! Keep these things in mind, next time you start to sing the “get my life together” tune.

FLAWS ARE A SLIDING SCALE TYPE OF THING

Of course, we all have insecurities, but remember that you have way more strengths than flaws, so don’t focus on the latter! If there are things you genuinely want to change about yourself to feel more fulfilled (who doesn’t have those?), focus on the power you already have within yourself to do so!

YOU ARE A BOSS

Don’t get me wrong, I’m like a super feminist, bad b*tch, killjoy, but I still catch myself letting others take the lead in some situations, even when I know I want to. It’s tough to embrace the boss babe in us, but it starts with the #ladybrag! So whether you killed it on a work project this week, gave a fellow vina great advice last week, or have awesome plans with Netflix this weekend, give yourself credit for all that you do!

THINK OF YOURSELF THE WAY YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS

Honestly, most of the vinas I know totally have their sh*t together! The other day I was telling my friend how she inspires the crap out of me for all that she does. This chick has a part-time job, an internship, is getting a Masters in public health, and pursues painting. She amazes me, but she looked at me and said, “You do just as much!” We laughed about it because she’s kind of right, but I would never give myself that much credit.

Vinas, let’s be real—we’re all flawed! But let’s be realer—we’re all amazing, too! So instead of embracing this self-deprecating trend, let’s embrace the #ladybrag!

Join us in lady bragging, vinas! And tell us in the comments, what makes you a boss b*tch?

(Featured image via stylelately.com)