HOW TO START OVER AFTER A BREAKUP

Life after a failed relationship isn’t easy: you are bound to reinvent yourself, to re-adapt into a world that is no longer made for two. Truth is, there is no single formula on how to start over again, just as there is no single formula on how to build a routine and stick to it.

sad woman.jpg

 

Back to relationships: every background is different. Do you share the same group of friends or workplace with your ex? Are you close to each other families? Did you end up in “good terms?” Does it still hurt to call him “ex?” Whether you are the one who made the final decision or not, you must rebuild your life. You are on your own now (think of it as liberated!), and you have to fill the holes left by him (or her) with other people and new interests. You might be still in a dark place. You might think that there is nothing good enough to replace him, or you even might think that without him you are not as special.

But here is a fact: you are still the same person. Seriously! That funny, active, creative, extraordinary human being that you are is still right here, but only more wise, more mature, and you now know better what is best for you.

I won’t call them rules, but here are some hints that will help you focus on what is important while recovering from a breakup:

freedom.jpg

TAKE THE CHANCE TO START ANEW. Breaking up with someone can be a wake-up call on how we are guiding our lives. Perhaps after you broke up, you realized how much you prioritized your ex. Perhaps there was nothing else that you considered meaningful and of your own. I encourage you to take a moment and think. You are free to take on any project you want. Who do you want to be? In which direction do you want your life to go?

RECAP WITH YOUR FRIENDS. Wait, are you one of those gals that stopped being a gal when in a ferocious relationship with this guy? We get it; it happens. This new relationship absorbed so much from you that you stopped seeing most of your friends. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons your relationship didn’t work either, as you put all your emotional needs on a single person. Now, you find yourself back and don’t know how to approach your old friends… Truth? Well, don’t worry, if they are truly good friends, they’ll understand. Explain your situation to them, be kind and do not demand instant complicity: things will not be the same from one day to the other, so don’t rush it and give it time. Also, don’t do it again when the new perfect guy shows up.

make new friends.jpg

MAKE NEW FRIENDS. Look at your mobile apps. Do you see this cute white logo, the one that says “Hey!”? That’s your new best friend. Trust me. Before you get into another affair of the soul your broken heart is not ready for yet (think: app with red flame logo), realize this is the time to meet new people. Be bold and take the chance to meet up with vinas. New lifestyles and activities will bring you to places and environments that are safe. Go to places that don’t have strong associations with your ex. Build new memories.

REBOUNDS HELP (SOMETIMES).  Having a rebound is fun and it can be healthy as it makes you come out of your cave; put some makeup on, and see the light of the day ( or the light of the club). It can be very exciting, but hey–it can also be disappointing. It isn’t gonna feel as exciting or fulfilling as when you were in love. Still, if you want, take the chance of experiencing something new and fresh where there are no resentments, lies or disappointments. It is just a blank page you can start writing whatever you want to write. Be careful though! Protect yourself!

freedom #2.jpg

DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU. If sometimes you feel like being alone, watching a sad film and letting your tears come out, do it. Sometimes, you just have to let the emotions out. The sooner you cry out everything you have to cry, the sooner a smile will come up your face. If you feel like partying, do it. Perhaps you feel like being active and exercising nonstop. That’s really good, too. The important thing is that you feel complete and treat yourself. Just look that you do all of it with the right balance.

CONTACT/NO CONTACT Ah, this is complicated. It really depends on every breakup. Sometimes your ex is still your best friend and will help you go through the adaptation to your new situation. But most of the times, it is just better that you do your own thing for a while. You probably won’t want to know when your ex meets a new girl or has an amazing trip planned for the summer. If this person was toxic for you or you realize that even after breaking up you are still too dependent on him, don’t doubt on trying stronger measures: temporarily unfollow from social networks and delete him from your phone contacts. These can seem extreme but will give you the space you really need. When you’re feeling down, call your favorite vina and talk it out with her.

sad woman 2.jpg

PATIENCE. Breakups are messy and very emotional. It’s going to take some time to feel less vulnerable and more stable. Perhaps you think you are making massive progress (and, in truth, you are!), but then your ex shows up unexpectedly at a party and that affects you more than you wished. Maybe you break apart. It’s important to know: That is okay. It will be okay. Real change is slow. The good news? You have come a long way and the next day, you are gonna be stronger than ever.

So plan something fun with your friends. Be kind to yourself. And remember you will heal and find someone deserving of all you have to offer.

Looking for new vinas to help you through your heartache? Start swiping now.

Feature image @citroenzx.tumblr.com

THE EXPAT’S DIARY: HOW TO LEARN THE CULTURE OF YOUR NEW HOME

There is hardly nothing more exciting than the unknown, right? The anticipation, the mystery, and the great feeling that something amazing is about to happen! Perhaps you are moving to a new country for a while to do some specific training for your job or an internship abroad. Maybe you decided to take your studies a bit further and attend an European university. Perhaps, you are even planning to do the big jump: purchase a one-way ticket to a foreign country that has always on your mind.

Congratulations, you won’t regret this magic journey. But as always, if you do it well! 🙂

As a Spanish girl who has lived in London and is now a permanent resident in Germany, I know how to overcome culture shock. Despite the great beauty of discovering a new country, the whole process at times can be harsh. Our roots carve our personality way more than we are aware of. And you will surprise yourself finding that you are actually more patriotic than you thought.

For starters, if you find yourself moving to a “colder” country, let’s say from a Mediterranean country to a Scandinavian country or simply from America to Europe, you will find a change in the general character of people. Here are three essential keys to learning a new culture:

Have an open mind

Peoples’ face expressions at the groceries, small talk at the elevator, the “please and thank you’s, and greetings such as a kiss on the cheek, a hug, or just a ‘hey how are you?’ are all so different. Since you’re not used to another countries’ customs, it’s important to have an open mind and I really mean not to take things personally! Yes, you will feel awkward most of the times but just remember you are a brand new resident.

Learn the language

I highly recommend to read in advance as much as you can about the new country you will be living in. Read about its habits, social protocols, how they eat their food, what is OK and not OK to talk about. If you are more informed, you will be better prepared facing unexpected situations. This will ultimately help to reduce anxiety if you are someone that prefers to have things under control.

culture shock graph

Major key for to reduce our anxiety via Smacken Grenoble

Learning the foreign language might be hard but extremely rewarding: it helps you to understand better your surroundings and indeed locals really appreciate you trying even if your sentences don’t make any sense! Even when you are embarrassed, don’t worry too much! They will think you are cute and brave for just trying. Also, it will definitely lead you to situations where you’ll have the chance to meet more locals. Win-win!

Do not underestimate neither because both will lead you to the third and foremost key! This one will make the most difference in your stay.

Making local friends

How do we get to meet locals? Well, this is a tricky one. You have to be patient, determined, and have a little bit of luck. Sign up for group activities in your city that interests you. Great ideas to start are yoga and DIY workshops where you’ll find people that fits with you. There are great social platforms out there that will help you to meet new people, so do not fear using Hey! Vina to meet new ladies even when the language might not be so fluent. Remember.. if they are on the app, it is because they want to meet you too!

(Featured Image via Makenna Alyse

DOING YOUR OWN THING WHILE TRAVELING WITH FRIENDS

Yesterday I phoned my friend Johanna, who is spending 6 months teaching in Spain in a college rotation (well actually we did not phone but sent tons of WhatsApp audios back and forth). She told me about how much she was enjoying her sister’s visit, but apparently was having mixed feelings about it: while she enjoyed her sister’s company after being apart for so long, she was starting to feel annoyed because she had to spend every single minute with her.

“She just can’t do anything alone! It was so much different when I went to visit you in Madrid,” she noted.

Johanna and I are very good friends, and what I appreciate most about our friendship is how open we are with each other. We are kind, of course, but if one is being ridiculous or stubborn, we’re not afraid to tell it how it is. That’s why when I went to visit Madrid last month and she decided to join me for the weekend, I was super excited to have her.

There was no big planning about our weekend. In my case, I had my own expectations: I would see my brother, I would visit my college friends, I would go to this concert… Meanwhile, she expected to sightsee Madrid, as she never had been there before. I lived in Madrid for 7 years so I really did not need to visit Plaza Mayor or El Prado, unless there was something particularly interesting going on.

The weekend arrived, and we stayed together at my brother’s apartment. We made a great combo because we both got what we wanted to: she did her thing and I did mine, whilst still having lunch, breakfast, going out in the evenings, and shopping together. It was great to have the independence of doing what we wanted to do, enjoy it, and be open about it.

Which brings me to the point: if you are planning on hosting one of your friends or going on a trip together, you might as well consider the following points: Do you have the same expectations from the trip? Are you both independent and mature enough to cope when things don’t go as planned? Do both of you understand that it is okay to have time for yourself? A trip together is a fantastic way of getting quality time with each other, but you also have to know when to give each other space or time to do your own thing. You don’t have to spend every waking moment together to have an amazing time.

Where are you traveling to this summer? Are you bringing a friend along?

(Feature image via @aspynovard)

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF DOING YOUR OWN THING WHILE ON A TRIP WITH YOUR VINA

Yesterday I phoned with my friend Johanna, who is spending 6 months teaching in Spain in a college rotation (well actually we sent tons of WhatsApp audios back and forth). She told me how much she was enjoying her sister’s visit, but that she was having mixed feelings about it too. While she really appreciated the company after being apart for so long, she also started to feel kind of annoyed from having to spend every single minute with her sister.

“She just can’t do anything alone!”

“It was so much different when I went to visited you in Madrid”.

Johanna and I are very good friends, and what I appreciate most about our friendship is how completely open we are with each other. Of course we treat each other with kindness but if either of us is being ridiculous, or if we have opposing opinions about anything, we simply express ourselves to one another. That’s why when I went to Madrid last month and she decided to join me for the weekend, I was super excited to have her. We didn’t put too much effort into the planning. I had my own expectations: I planned to see my brother and visit my college friends, I also wanted go to this concert… Meanwhile, she expected to sightsee Madrid, as she never had been there before. Since I lived in Madrid for seven years, I really did not need to visit Plaza Mayor or El Prado, unless there was something particularly interesting going on.

When the weekend arrived, we stayed together at my brother’s apartment. We made a great combo because we both got what we wanted out of the trip: she did her thing and I did mine. Of course we still shared breakfast and lunch, and we’d go out in the evenings and go shopping together. It was great that we were open about doing and enjoying things independently.

vinapicsolotravel.jpeg

This brings me to the following: if you are planning to host a vacation for one of your vinas or just planning a trip together, there are a few things to consider.

How well do you know each other? Do you both have the same expectations from the trip? Are you both independent and mature enough to cope when things don’t go as planned? Do both of you understand that it is okay to have time for yourselves?

A trip together is a fantastic way of getting to know each other and can be so much fun. However, you want to avoid potentially awkward moments by making sure the person you choose to adventure with is the right vina for you. Also, just because you are the host doesn’t mean that you have to be the “entertainer” the entire time, #amiright?

Somebody once told me that the best way to get to know a person is taking them out of their comfort zone. So, go ahead and take a trip with a vina and explore outside of your comfort zones, but do it right! 🙂

Haven’t met the right vina to adventure with? Start swipin’ to meet the a fellow adventurer!