Maybe they don’t make you feel your best. Maybe they haven’t been supportive of an exciting new chapter in your life. Maybe you’ve been meaning to do so for a while.
No matter how you slice it, cutting ties with a friend or someone you care about can be really painful. When you make the decision to end a friendship or move on without someone, it’s understandable to feel sad or upset about it. But likely, it isn’t a decision you’ve made lightly.
It can help to ask yourself a few questions about the situation (maybe even write them down in a letter you won’t ever send to the person/people you’re moving on from) to alleviate your own feelings of hurt and help you understand that you’re doing this for you.
Do they support me?
Of course, it’s not ideal to have blind support from your friends; we need our friends to tell us if we’re being self-destructive or making decisions that can harm us in the long run. But if a friend or group of friends isn’t there for you during hard times? Maybe let them go. Conversely, it can really hurt if you have a new opportunity that might be really exciting, and they choose to make it about them without showing any support for you. If they can’t be happy for you about the amazing new parts of your life, it’s time to find people who will be.
Do I feel better after talking to them?
This doesn’t necessarily have to mean after talking to a friend for advice or when you’re looking for comfort; this can just mean in general! Do you always feel worse about your body after having dinner with a friend who constantly talks down about themselves or you? Do you leave their house with a sinking feeling after they spent the entire time you were hanging out filling your ears with mean-spirited gossip about other friends, when all you really wanted to do is discuss the latest episode of The Good Place? If you feel worse after speaking to them than you did when you walked in, it might be time to move on.
Do they treat you the way you deserve?
Sometimes the people we thought we cared about the most are the ones that show their true colors when you’ve had a communication mishap or you have an argument. Are they mature when it comes to handling disagreements? If they never apologize or take responsibility for their actions, that puts a lot of pressure on you to diffuse conflict and tension. You deserve respect, and you should be treated with some.
These questions aren’t the end-all be-all; it can be really difficult and extremely complicated when dealing with friendship problems. Just remember: if you’re considering cutting ties for your own mental and physical health, you should trust your gut. It’s usually right.
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