When I was dating my ex, he and my cousin – who was like a sister to me – never seemed to get along. They were both always good to me, and they were genuinely thoughtful and loving people, but it would always feel so tense whenever they were in the same room. I don’t know about you, vinas, but I personally dislike it when my loved ones can’t get along. I over-exert myself to make sure other people are happy…so this situation was basically a nightmare. I mean, what was a vina to do? Break-up with who was then the love of my life, or cut ties with my own blood?
“But Kaitlin, isn’t it obvious, if your friends don’t like your partner, that must mean they’re not the right match!”
Not necessarily.
“But wait, you’re talking about an ex! So obviously your vina was right about not liking him from the beginning.”
Now hang on!
My cousin and ex never explicitly said they didn’t like each other – they just had clashing personalities. Sure, it didn’t work out between me and him but that’s a different story to be unfolded later. The fact was, at that time, I had two people I cared about a lot, who cared about me, but didn’t care for each other.
“Okay…so how did you deal with it?”
Glad you asked! I avoided it! Just kidding. Reflection was a key part of dealing with this issue. I had to make sure there was no underlying reason for my two loved ones to not like each other – like, it would’ve been understandable if my cousin didn’t like my ex because he wouldn’t let me go out and live my life or that my cousin took advantage of our friendship, but that wasn’t the case. What it broke down to is that they had different interests and different lifestyle choices. In any other given situation, they just wouldn’t be friends, but they had to interact because they were both associated with me.
Eventually, I just kept the two separate. If they didn’t have to be around each other, I wouldn’t force them to be. When it came to situations where they did, both my ex and my cousin were respectful of each other’s relationship with me. They would just suck it up, make small talk, and call it a day.
Did I wish we were just the best of friends who always got along? Of course, but it’s not always going to be like that. So, my advice to any vinas dealing with a similar issue is to be reflective on the people you choose to hang out with and the people you choose to date. If they’re always bringing you up, supporting you, and loving you, then it shouldn’t matter if the two can’t get along, because the fact is – they’re not dating each other.
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