So you’re looking to expand your trusted tribe, build a tribe from scratch, or maybe you’re feeling lonely after moving to a new city – officially making you the new kid in town. Whoever and wherever you are in the world, and whatever your friendship goals may be, differentiating between a genuine gal pal and a flaky fake can be a tough call to make. Sometimes, it even feels like a game which makes it even harder to keep your sanity in tact!
For some, the allure of a new friendship fizzles out when there’s no game to be played, or no chase to be had. And many fledgling friendships fizzle out after barely stumbling over the starting block. You got beyond the awkward “hello, how are ya doing” intro message? Kudos – you’re doing better than most!
But how can you find someone whose wavelength is a perfect match, and is your ideal friendship catch? How can you spot a friend from a fake? Heck, it’s hard enough to get the conversation flowing, never mind being on alert for the fiery red flags. So, to give you a heads up on spotting fakes and staying away from flakes, check out these tips to identify whether that new pal is a forever friend, or a total fake.
TRUST PATTERNS, NOT APOLOGIES
So, you’ve been trying to plan that get-together for like, forever. And the excuses have been coming in thick and fast, right? There’s a pattern emerging but you’d rather not admit it. Sure, in your mind this gal pal has so much potential, and you’ve got so much in common. You like all the same movies, drink the same Starbucks, even frequent the same salons and shopping malls. Sure, you tell yourself they’re just a bit manically busy, and you may even feel a bit sorry for their frenetically paced life. But remember, people make time for those they truly care about, and one is never too busy for something that’s important to them. Would you treat a potential love interest with an erratic pattern the same? Probably not. So now it’s time to admit to yourself that this gal pal is a no go! You deserve better!
SPOT THE RED FLAGS
Ever paid for lunch but never received an offer to reciprocate? You offered your time to help with something, and it wasn’t well received? You went out of your way to do something, but it went completely unnoticed? These are sure signs that your friendship isn’t a two-way street. Vina, it’s time to jump on that elevator and get yourself the hell outta there!
KEEP YOUR STANDARDS HIGH: NO COMPROMISE
You’re polite, honest, kind and thoughtful. You’re as punctual as you can be, and super accommodating (we all need a little extra time occasionally), but your new vina doesn’t quite match. Stay firm on your non-negotiables – your standards. Those are the intrinsic values that make you unique, wholly, and wonderfully you. You deserve a gal pal who makes you feel appreciated. You must stay sweet, and if she doesn’t reciprocate, it’s time to speak with your feet and WALK.
DON’T QUESTION YOUR WORTH
The moment you start to question your own worth is the moment you run. Did I say the wrong thing? Was I too eager? Was I too kind? Have I given too much away? Chances are if your new friendship is triggering these anxieties in the early stages, it’s probably not going to go away. This friend might not be the one for you. Good friendships are solidly grounded on good communication – both ways. Never question your worth, vinas. And never let your worth be found in the hands of another person, or determined by their perception of you!
Friendship footnote: If the friendship is still fresh, it’s important to allow for some give and take – your gal friend may just need a little time to open up, and that’s totally fine. Some vinas need to take their time to truly sparkle and shine!
Head over to the Hey! VINA app and start swiping to find your true tribe!