Be Your Best Self Friendship Advice Psych Sisterhood Thrive

REVEALED: HOW IT REALLY FEELS TO BE BESTIE-LESS

The struggle of living without that BFF relationship.

It can be a lonely world without a lead vina in your life. I’ve always cringed at the overused word “bestie,” possibly because it insinuates ownership, you know, proudly wearing a badge displaying the words “she’s mine.” But deep down, it reminds me of the fact that I am essentially bestie-less. And this is not for a lack of trying. I often reminisce about drifted-apart close friendships of yesteryear. The ones formed at school and university, but fade in time leaving behind nothing more than fun memories and miles of distance and opinions wedged between us.

In junior high, our teacher affectionately named me and my then best friend “bookends” as we were inseparable since we were toddlers. That is, of course, up until her family uprooted halfway across the country. And though we wrote many long, sweet letters to each other in earnest for a while after, that sentiment soon faded as she settled into her new neighborhood. To this day I still post birthday and Christmas cards in the nostalgic hope of rekindling our childhood friendship, though this has yet to happen. A few years later in high school during those fateful mid-teens, I had a new found “best” friend who ended up turning to a group of more outgoing gals. In hindsight it was our different personalities that really drew us apart, but at the time, it was just as great a loss as any other friendship.

two female standing near building structure
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Then there were a few close university friends who became distant acquaintances with little in common after graduation. To be fair, I’d never been a big party animal, so I was really out of my comfort zone. I’m more of a movie night in and a hike through nature kind of gal. My university gal pals went from being close-knit study sisters to unrecognizable strangers in the time it takes to get a degree. Suddenly, there was a gulf between us, not just literally in physical location, but in our interests too.

So now in my 30s, there’s a gaping hole where a vina who feels that I could be the yin to her yang should be. But how does it really feel to be bestieless? Here’s what I miss the most.

THE LOYALTY

I have a yearning for that kindred-spirit type of loyalty that drives each vina to better themselves and to go on to achieve their respective and mutual goals. Without a bestie, feeling a sense of genuine loyalty from any friend can be quite difficult, as you know that they may prioritize another vina at any point. In the back of your mind, as just a friend, you’ll always be hesitant to really trust them as a bestie. And no one wants to be a back-burner friend. Every vina wants to feel like she’s the leading lady in her favorite vina’s life.

THE FEMALE CLOSENESS

I’d love to have that bestie-like closeness; the one that gals gush adoringly about feeling like their favorite vina is really a sister, a part of their soul family. It’s the kind of closeness that makes you feel like you could spend hours talking about anything and everything that matters to you both. And that they care about what you’re saying, and they know you care too. It’s that safe, loving place like home. That lack of closeness creates a void in female friendship that only a bestie can fill.

THAT CALL/TEXT/EMAIL/LETTER

Oh, how I’d love to be able to send that spontaneous text (or go old school with an email or handwritten letter) to my one special vina, asking how her day is, seeing if she’s free for coffee, or just sharing a funny meme that I know will make her laugh. Having that one person you can call at any hour of the day or night, to say anything or nothing at all is so monumental.We don’t realize how important the little things are until we have no one to share those moments with.

THE OPINION YOU CAN TRUST

It’s the hardest when you need someone who will tell it to you straight, who knows how to tell you the truth without hurting your feelings or coming across as arrogant. When you want that one female opinion you know you can trust to be honest, open, and come from a place of love, respect, and care. Just that.

photo of people wearing sweater
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THE HIGHS (AND LOWS)

I miss having that one vina you really want to share the highs with, and a comforting hand to hold through the lows. Someone who will be by your side as you’ve made a mutual commitment to being besties. Someone who has seen you at your worst, and still chooses to be there for you, holding the umbrella through the storm. Someone who acknowledges your achievements and hypes you up to remind you just how incredible you are. You have mutual understanding based on your history and look forward to future adventures together. A bestie is someone like that.

THE THOUGHTFUL SURPRISES 

You know the ones. That thoughtful midday “how are ya?” message. That pick me up, feel good friendship tag on a Facebook meme. That caring card or gift on your birthday that reminds you your vina is there. Missing out on these little opportunities to be thoughtful and spread kindness is a low like no other.

So there you have it. The things I miss most about having a bestie. Hopefully she’s out there somewhere, possibly reading this. I do believe there’s a bestie out there for everyone, but for those of us who haven’t found ours yet, we really need to end the stigma that comes along with not having a bestie. It doesn’t undervalue your worth as a genuine, giving, and thoughtful human being. You just haven’t met the right gal to share those qualities with. Being bestieless is not an easy confession to make, but I’m sure there are many loyal ladies in the exact same place, here in the Hey! VINA community! Look no further, future besties. Your vina is out there.

Have you been looking for your vina? We gotcha, babe! Download Hey! VINA and start swiping!!🥂

1 comment on “REVEALED: HOW IT REALLY FEELS TO BE BESTIE-LESS

  1. Thank you for writing this. This really really hit home and resonated with how I’m feeling these past few months. I recently lost my ‘bestie’ of over 10 years to a really silly squabble and misunderstanding, in which she has no desire to speak to me and I have no control over rectifying anything. The pain is still fresh, but it’s nice to not feel so lonely being lonely by knowing I’m not the only one 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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