It’s not fun to lose yourself in your relationship. You may not even realize it’s happening, and when it does, it can be too late. Take it from us: It’s IMPORTANT to take time for yourself in a relationship. Let me help you discover how to find ways for much-needed “me” time:
Your “me” time needs to literally be penciled into your planner (which you definitely have because planners are the freakin’ best). Treat your “me” time just like you would treat a date with your partner, or a date with your best friend (I mean, you are your own best friend, right?). It is important and you WANT to do it. Even if you feel too tired or lazy that day, you’re GOING.
You ain’t cancelling on yourself, mmkay? And if you live with your partner and don’t want to offend them with your “me” time? First of all, if they’re offended that you want time to yourself, you need to have a serious talk. Having time to yourself is important to reset, recharge, and will actually help you be more present with your partner.
TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT IT
Make sure to express that you are not doing it to “escape” anything (or them) and that you simply need some mental space for yourself to do those little things you like— reading, trying a new workout class, binge-watching a show you really want to watch but they’re not into, etc.
If you are using me time to escape your partner, you may want to consider why and perhaps think about what you want from your relationship. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to want to escape—it just means something is off and you need to sort it out. Think about it, talk to them, and be honest.
I can tell you that my partner needs more “me” time than I do, because he’s a thinker and he needs time to literally just lie around and think. I’m way more active and love quality time even when I need “me” time, which is why I can be terrible for finding “me” time.
What that means is for a while, he DID try to use “me” time to escape me, and I started noticing it. It SUCKED. But when I asked him about it (and poked, and prodded, because that’s how he is) it came out and we had a good conversation where he explained what he needs and why.
I had no idea I was taking “me” time away from him, because he never told me!
But was I offended? NOPE. I was just sad that I was hurting him. I didn’t want to be overbearing!
So now if he wants “me” time, he tells me, and that’s that. It’s actually kind of perfect, because I can either get some work done or have “me” time of my own.
Talk to your partner. Schedule me time. Put it on the calendar.
LASTLY, WHAT TO DO DURING YOUR “ME” TIME:
Brainstorm activities you like. Literally anything you like doing!
Here are some ideas:
- Go on a walk or a run by yourself.
- Do a face mask and have a bath.
- Try a new hobby.
- Do a mini staycation, on your own.
- Get a manicure or pedicure.
- Work out by yourself.
- Call a friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with.
- Explore a cool street in the city.
- Go on a hike.
- Go to a movie or museum.
- Go shopping (or window shopping).
- Take a cool online course about something you’re interested in (like photography).
- Binge watch a Netflix show you’ve been wanting to watch.
- Watch makeup or skincare tutorials on YouTube.
- Read a book.
- Listen to a podcast.
- Raid your closet and create new outfits.
- Make a new vina date!
Open up your planner, or your calendar app on your phone, and schedule in your dates with yourself. Choose one activity for each time, set reminders, and you’re set!
Protip: If you make them regular, like every Sunday from 10-11am, it will become part of your routine and it won’t get confusing to deal with for your partner too 🙂
I hope this helps you intentionally take time for yourself in a relationship. Just because you have someone else in your life, it doesn’t mean they have to be the #1 priority every waking minute. Plus, if you remember to take care of yourself, you will be making yourself better for everyone else in your life!