Everybody lies from time to time. Most of the time these are small white lies we use to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or even to save our own butts from getting into trouble. Telling these little white lies often seem harmless and go unnoticed, but what happens when one of your friends is constantly lying to you?
Dealing with a friend who lies all the time can be frustrating, hurtful and even damaging to your relationship with them, and others.
If you think your friend is a pathological liar, or even just someone who lies too much for your own comfort, here are a few tips on how to deal with it.
CONSIDER THEIR MOTIVE
Most of the time, there’s a reason why someone chooses to lie, and often it’s not to be hurtful but rather serve a different purpose. So try to consider what purpose their lies serve.
Your friend may lie to you because they don’t want to hurt your feelings, get into trouble or disappoint you. Other times, it could be because they want the lie to be true, or they actually believe their own lies. And finally, they might just not be ready to share that information with you.
LAUGH IT OFF OR IGNORE YOUR FRIEND’S LIES
If you think your friend’s lies don’t really seem like that big of a deal, you might choose to simply laugh it off or ignore it. Pretending to know a band they’ve never heard of, having a secret romance (that isn’t hurting anyone), or coming up with excuses for being late all the time are all examples of lies that might not really bother you that much.
If what they’re lying about doesn’t bother you, then you might as well ignore it. And while you’re doing that, be sure to not engage with your friend when you know what they’re saying is a lie. Don’t ask questions or show any interest in what they’re saying.
BE DIRECT WITH YOUR FRIEND
However, if your friend’s constant lying is really bothering you, or you think it’s harmful in any way (to them, yourself or others), you might want to talk to them about it directly.
If you do decide to approach your friend about their lies, make sure it’s somewhere safe and comfortable, and do so in a compassionate and understanding way rather than with anger. You want them to feel like they can trust you and confide in you, rather than feel the need to lie.
CONSIDER DISTANCING YOURSELF
If ignoring their lies isn’t working, and you’ve tried talking to them about it, you might want to reevaluate your friendship at this point. When someone constantly lies, it can be really damaging to any relationship, even friendships. And unfortunately, there are times when we have to consider the alternative: not being friends anymore, or at the very least, setting strong boundaries. For example, you might decide to limit what you tell them or hang out with them less often. Hopefully, your friend will get the message and stop with the lies so your friendship can remain strong.
It definitely sucks when a friend lies to you all the time. But no matter how you choose to deal with it, remember you can always expand your circle of vinas with the Hey! VINA app!