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HOW TO START OVER AFTER A BREAKUP

Life after a failed relationship isn't easy: you are bound to reinvent yourself, to re-adapt into a world that is no longer made for two.

Life after a failed relationship isn’t easy: you are bound to reinvent yourself, to re-adapt into a world that is no longer made for two. Truth is, there is no single formula on how to start over again, just as there is no single formula on how to loose those extra holiday pounds from last summer: you have to carefully listen to your body, and you only know your metabolism is omg-so unique.

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But back to relationships: every background is different. Do you share the same group of friends or workplace with your ex? Are you close to each other families? Did you end up in “good terms”? Does it still hurt to call him “ex”? Whether you are the one who made the final decision or not, you must rebuild your life. You are on your own now (think of it as liberated!). And you have to fill the holes left by him (or her) with other people and new interests. You might be still in a dark place. You might think that there is nothing good enough to replace him, or you even might think that without him you are not as special.

But here is a fact: you are still the same person. Seriously! That funny, active, creative, extraordinary human being that you are is still right here, but only more wise, more mature, and you probably know better what is best for you now.

I won’t call them rules, but here are some hints that will help you focus on what is important while recovering from a breakup:

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TAKE THE CHANCE TO START ANEW. Breaking up with someone can be awake up call on how are we directing our life. Perhaps after you broke up, you realize how much you prioritized your ex. Perhaps there was nothing else that you considered meaningful and of your own. I encourage you to take a moment and think. You are free to take on any project you want. Who do you want be? Where do you want your life to go to?

RECAP WITH YOUR FRIENDS. Wait, are you one of those gals that stopped being a gal when in a ferocious relationship with this guy? We get it; it does happens. This new relationship absorbed so much from you that you stopped seeing most of your friends. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons your relationship didn’t work either, as you relayed all your emotional needs in a single person. Now, you find yourself back and don’t know how to approach your old friends… Truth? Well, don’t worry, if they are truly good friends they’ll understand you. Explain your situation to them, be kind and do not demand instant complicity: things will not be the same from one day to the other, so don’t rush it and give it time. Also, don’t do it again when the new perfect guy shows up.

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MAKE NEW FRIENDS. Look at your mobile apps. Do you see this cute white logo, the one that says “Hey!”? That’s your new best friend. Trust me. Before you get in other business your broken heart is not ready for yet (think: app with red flame logo), realize this is the time to meet new people. Be bold and take the chance to meet up with Vinas. New lifestyles and activities will bring you to places and environments that are safe. Go to places that don’t have strong associations with you ex. Build new memories.

REBOUNDS HELP (SOMETIMES).  Having a rebound is fun and it can be healthy as it makes you come out of your cave, put some make up on, and see the light of the day ( or the light of the club). It can be very exciting but hey, it can also be disappointing. It ain’t gonna feel the same exciting or fulfilling as when you were in love. Still, if you want, take the chance of experiencing something new and fresh where there are no resentments, lies or disappointments (yet). It is just a blank page you can start writing whatever you want to write on it. Be careful though! Protect yourself!

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DO WHAT IT FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU. If sometimes you feel like being alone, watching a depressing film and letting your tears come out, do it. Sometimes, you just have to let the emotions out. The sooner you cry out everything you have to cry, the sooner a smile will come up your face. If you feel like partying, do it. Perhaps you feel like being active and  exercising nonstop. That’s really good too. The important thing is that you feel complete and treat yourself. Just look that you do all of it with the right balance.

CONTACT/NO CONTACT Ah, this is complicated. It really depends of every breakup. Sometimes your ex is still your best friend and will help you go through the adaptation to your new situation. But most of the times, it is just better that you do your own thing for a while. You probably won’t want to know when your ex meets a new girl or has an amazing trip planned for the summer. If this person was toxic for you or you realize that even after breaking up you are still too dependent on him, don’t doubt on trying stronger measures: temporary unfollow from social networks and delete him from your phone contacts. These can seem extreme, but will avoid that you give yourself the space you really need. When you’re feeling down, call your favorite Vina and talk it out with her.

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PATIENCE. Breakups are messy and very emotional. It’s going to take some time to feel less vulnerable and more stable. Perhaps you think you are making massive progress (and, in truth, you are!) but then your ex shows up unexpectedly in a party and that effects you more than you wished. Maybe you break apart. It’s important to know: That is OK. It will be OK. Real change is slow. The good news? You have come a long way and the next day, you are gonna be stronger than ever.

So plan something fun with your friends. Be kind to yourself. And remember you will heal and find someone deserving of all you offer.

Looking for new vinas to help you through your heartache? Start swiping now.

Feature image @citroenzx.tumblr.com

22 comments on “HOW TO START OVER AFTER A BREAKUP

  1. I am going through this now after on and off for 10 years with my ex bf and it has only been 5 months and then we started talking again for a month and it has been 2 days. Thank you for writing this it does give me hope

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  2. Thanks for this article. I was married for 30 years and my now ex husband left me for younger (20 years younger) childlike woman. Difficult does begin to describe my last few years but I am working on who I am as a divorced, single past middle age woman. Everyday brings new Joys.

    Like

    • Fredericka

      Leah, we have so much in common. I would love to speak with you. I’m sure we’re closer in age and I ve been married for 34 yrs. and now facing divorce. Please contact me you sound like someone I need as well as me being someone you need!

      Like

    • Anonymous

      Stay strong. Believe that better things will come your way in life. You will receive your blessing in life and he will regret ever leaving you. Pray, pray and pray!

      Like

  3. I got too attached to my ex after plummeting into our relationship after getting out of a bad one right before.. I’m still hurting inside and can’t find out why. But I miss him tho :/ and I don’t want to

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  4. Great article!
    I work with my ex, in the same department, so unfortunately “no contact” isn’t a complete option, for now.
    However, our communication has been reduced to work related subjects only.
    As a bonus, and,of great surprise to me, the very day things ended, I felt a wave of peace wash over me, that i had not felt throughout the relationship.

    Like

  5. I just broke up yesterday after 2 years together and I can’t put myself together. I didn’t go to work and I’m crying non stop since yesterday. We’ve plan to get married next year but everything fell apart and I just don’t know what to do. I really love him and he’s the only one I want till the end of my life. I never love anyone the way I love him & it’s so hard to adapt or accept the truth. I’m just feeling so empty and stupid Idek what to do. I just locked myself m, I didn’t eat or drink, all I ever do is crying till I felt asleep and when I woke up I cry again and it goes on and on 😢

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    • Sorry 😥

      Like

    • caroline

      Hi Sha!

      I’m at the same stage now. I have been crying for two weeks now. Mornings are the worst. My ex fiancé picked the wedding date and I never pushed him with getting married. My bridesmaid had to call and cancel the church for 18/08/2018. I’m so stuck in the darkness crying like Carrie did in Sex and the City move after Ben left her at the church.

      All the future plans and children we had planed together are now just tossed out and I as well need to come to terms with how I’m supposed to break with his lovely mother and sisters. They have become like my closest confidants over these past years, and now I some how need to figure out how I part ways with them, despite none of us want to 😢

      My whole life has been ripped into pieces. I moved out all my things this weekend into my new apartment.

      I’m now Wondering if I ever be whole again and who I will be after I get out of this terrible chock, sorrow and grief.

      Like

    • Everything will be fine in start yes it is difficult to handle the situation but passage of time every thing will be normal.

      Like

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