Okay, let’s get one thing clear right of the bat; when I say “best friend” I don’t really mean best. Maybe you really do have only one best friend (if so I applaud you for finding that one magical person who you can assign the word “best” to); however, most of us have several “best” friends. I know, I know, the word best should really only be bestowed upon one individual or thing in a category… but I make exceptions for friends. I can safely say that I have (at the very least) two best friends, and limiting it to two makes my heart hurt a bit. So, to keep things simple, I call a lot of my friends best friends. As Mindy Kaling once said, “Best friend is a tier, not a person.”
Almost two years ago I left home for college and met a girl who quickly became one of my best friends. We clicked instantaneously and spent as much time together as was physically possible (let’s call her Maya). As I got to know her better, I learned a lot about one of her closest friend (let’s call her Amelia). It was a bit intimidating knowing that she had such a tight girlfriend who came before me but I did my best not to compare my character or my relationship with Maya to Amelia’s.
This summer both Amelia and I moved in with Maya. I felt a bit nervous. I was worried about feeling left out; worried about making Amelia feel left out; and even slightly worried that Amelia and I would bond and, in turn, make Maya feel left out.
I am happy to say that non of these fears have yet come to true, and I’m guessing that they won’t.
Here are my dos and don’ts and tricks for meeting your best friend’s bestie to make sure everything goes smoothly:
DON’T BE INTIMIDATED
It would only be natural to feel intimidated by your BFF’s BFF. But remember your friend chose to have both of you in their life for a reason. She sees different qualities in each of you; you both bring different perspectives into her life. You aren’t carbon copies of each other. So, that being said, just be you.
DON’T IMPOSE EXPECTATIONS
You’ve probably made up several scenarios in your head in which you meet your BFF’s BFF. Whether these imaginary meetings have gone smoothly or not, I think it is very important not to assume you already know this person. You may feel like you do, considering everything you’ve heard about them. Generally, it’s best to go into a new relationship without as few preconceptions as possible. Let them show you who they are.
APPROACH WITH THE INTENTION OF A RELATIONSHIP
It may be tempting to keep the relationship as a triad, and while that is a good idea as to not leave anyone out, do your best to cultivate your own relationship. There is almost guaranteed to be a moment where your mutual BFF is busy or distracted. If/when you find yourself in that position, things will be much more comfortable and relaxed if the two of you have you have built your own friendship.
ALWAYS INVITE EVERYONE TO EVERYTHING
That being said, never exclude anyone. That will only lead to hurt feelings. If you want one-on-one time with someone just wait for that time to arise on it’s own, don’t force it. Eventually you will get your time. But in the meantime, enjoy all the fun bonding with your new bestie via your older one!
Above all else, remember that your mutual best friend considers both of you to be her best friends. This means that you share at least some level of compatibility.
If you don’t even have one best friend yet (or if you want more), download the Hey! VINA app and get started meeting vinas in your neighborhood.
(Feature image via @hybridhues)