Okay so you have this friend, who, to put it simply, was born without a filter. Everything that pops into their head is automatically expelled from of their mouth, no second thoughts necessary. Now, if you are anything like me, watching these people can be fascinating because it is literally the polar opposite who of you are. I know that I analyze every situation before speaking. I even get anxiety because my mind runs wild over every possible outcome, even down to the stupidest detail. I cannot not imagine living a life that is so open and candid. Yet, this is exactly the type of world that so many live in.
Having a friend who is loud and flamboyant can often help you branch out and meet new people. If you’re as introverted as I am, you wouldn’t talk to that stranger on your own. However, if your friend is being gregarious and/or actin a little extra, then it’s easy to laugh along with the stranger; thus giving you easy entry into a conversation with said stranger.
There are certain situations where this can be great, like a bar or party. Then there are those places where it’s best to keep your conversations more PG. Let’s say, busy restaurants, movie theaters, markets/festivals, are probably the places to act a little more mature and reserved. Anyplace where the crowd ranges in age, race, religion etc., it is best to lower the volume and be aware of your surroundings.
It’s tricky, to say the least. You want so badly for them to have fun and to continue to be their crazy self (whom you love). You too, would love to just cut loose, gossip and laugh about everything under the sun. But you also know that there are just some conversations best left for a more private setting, or at least conversations to be had on a lower volume. Well let me put some of your concerns to rest. You aren’t being too judgy.
What you view as crossing the line, may not be the same for your friend. We were all raised differently, and therefore have different standards, on all fronts of life. They live a very outward life. Maybe they grew up in a family of loud people and in order to have their demands met, they had to speak up. Or maybe they learned thorught their life experiences that they enjoy life most when they are open and honest about everything that they feel. If the conversation turns too negative, too personal, or too divisive. Don’t stay quiet until you reach your boiling point; don’t suffer silently.
It’s alright to be the Grandma of the group. It is possible to love your friends unconditionally, while telling them to shut the heck up. It’s really not a matter of judging as much as it is, not wanting to get into unnecessary trouble or be looked at negatively by others. You may not want the outside world to associate you with their actions, not because you dislike their actions, but because they are not actions that you would take yourself. And you can tell them this. So just say, “Dude, I love you and everything… but you gotta to stop dropping the F bomb at IHOP!”
Do you have an anecdote about your embarrassing vina? Comment below and tell us! Download the Hey! VINA app to meet other non-embarrassing vinas in your neighborhood.