I think it’s safe to say that everyone loves puppies (and if you know someone who doesn’t, they’re probably/definitely inhuman). We can get a little excessive when it comes to expressing our love for our little furry friends, understandably so. Here are ten signs that say you’re an “extra” pet owner. Don’t worry, no judgements here!
YOU HAVE A DOG WALKER
You worry that your dog will get too lonely while you’re busy being a working parent (and we can’t all take our dogs to work); you hire a nanny for your pup to come walk ’em during the day. In my case, it’s my grandma; but if she isn’t available, there are a few backups on standby to race over and make sure my dog isn’t too lonely.
OUTFITS
How many ensembles do they have? My dog, Skeeter, just has a bowtie (he wears it most every day), a red knitted scarf (we live in CA, so he really doesn’t need it), and a holiday sweater (only worn once). I’m not too bad; how many outfits does your pet have?
SEPARATE INSTAGRAMS
You bombard us with pictures of the, not only on your own Instagram, but there’s more. They have their own separate account, where they are personified as thinking (speaking) beings. It’s really cute, but definitely extra. I follow my fair share of famous Instagram pets. Who are your favorite celebrity animals?
YOU CELEBRATE THEIR BIRTHDAY
With a party, cake, and pictures, their special day is jam-packed full of fun. They have no clue what’s happening; we all know the celebration is really for your benefit. But who’s going to complain about another excuse to eat cake and party? Not I.
FRIDAY NIGHTS INCLUDE:
Binge watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, talking to your pet (out loud), imagining their response, live-tweeting what they say (whatever you imagined it to be), and cracking up about it. Not to mention all the ice cream you’ll share; it’s true love. May or may not be based on personal experience.
YOU ONLY EVER TALK ABOUT THE ‘BABY’
Passerby’s and eavesdroppers are bound to be confused when they overhear your conversations with friends. They think, “wow, her body bounced back quickly” – although, why do bodies need to bounce back? That body just grew another in it and then pushed it out. Be proud of all the change that accompanies it… end mini rant– but they really are the only baby you have ever had, so it’s understandable.
CAMERA ROLL
Your phone is 1% selfie, 96% pictures of the ‘baby’ and 4% screenshots of memes (of other animals). It would almost be embarrassing if someone were to scroll through your camera roll, but you can’t help it; your little guy looks so cute in every picture. It’s totally justified!
SPECIAL MEALS
You cook more for your pet than you do for yourself. “They have a sensitive tummy,” you say, “kibble is too hard for their teeth.” Whatever the reason, you slave away, grilling chicken, squash and rice for the little royal highness– so bougie. Next they’ll be sitting in a chair, fine dining avec toi.
DOGGIE DECOR
This goes beyond the outfits. Your space is overrun by their toys and tipis (a custom tipi is being designed for my Skeeter to lounge in). Your friends come by and wonder if the apartment is yours or the dog’s.
PHOTOSHOOTS
Backdrops, props and hired photographers. You document milestones like birthdays, adoption anniversaries, and even pregnancies. Yes, the dog’s pregnancy. It’s really curious, really cute and now it’s something you’re secretly wanting to do.
If you want to continue talking about your pet 24/7, download the Hey! VINA app to meet similarly “extra” pet owners in your neighborhood.
(Feature image via @marte_marie_forsberg)
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