Let me set the scene. You are standing at the altar. Your prince or princess charming is staring deep into your eyes, promising you a lifetime of happiness. You have been waiting for this day for as long as you can remember. Now imagine looking at the ladies beside you. All beautifully donned in dresses you chose for them in the color you picked. All for your perfect day. Your. Perfect. Day. Right? Wrong!
Months ago, you chose your BFF to be your Maid of Honor (pfff obviously). But she has been an absolute nightmare. She didn’t like the dress you chose. She didn’t plan your shower/bachelorette quite the way you had hoped she would. She has been saying the most awful things about your fiancé. For months you have told yourself that it’s only because she’s stressed and wants the best for you. But sadly, you have come to the realization that your BFF may not have been your best choice for the MoH job. Where did you go wrong? I will tell you.
Although our BFFs were there for us during every step of our single lives, they may not be “there” for us in the way we hope when we become a future mariée. When we enter that new phase of our lives, we become somebody else’s person. Somebody else’s go-to-gal. We become one with our soul mates. Therefore we can no longer be at our BFF’s beck and call every second of every day. And that may not sit so well with the first ladies of our lives.
Being a maid of honor is not only a tremendous honor, but it also comes with its own stresses and challenges. One has to orchestrate the itineraries of every person in the wedding party, arrange fittings and tastings, arrange the most kickass bachelorette EVER, and listen to the bride’s complaints. Sometimes, this proves too much (and in some instances – WAY too much) for a BFF.
Before you make the move and confirm that decision because let’s face it, your BFF is obvs going to be your MoH, consider the following very basic checklist for a MoH. Your MoH will have to:
- Plan the shower. And if the bride wants one, the bachelorette party
- Spread the word. Let folks know (especially before the bridal shower) where the bride and groom are registered
- Keep a record of gifts
- Do some dress shopping
- Coordinate the bridesmaid duties
- Be the bride’s right-hand woman, and
- Say a few words at the reception.
Now here are a few questions to think about… Is your BFF organized? Can she plan the shower/bachelorette all on her own and deal with unforeseen occurrences and setbacks without sweating the small stuff?
Can your BFF keep track of key information to be distributed and most importantly, does she have a good relationship with everyone in the bridal party? Because the last thing you want is someone your mother does not approve of as a friend. Try orchestrating dress shopping with those two at each other’s throats.
Can your BFF organize, evaluate and document information? Does your BFF have a love for shopping? Believe it or not, there are women out there who detest shopping. If she cannot stand the idea of wandering around endlessly in shopping malls and flea markets ESPECIALLY for someone else’s indulgence, she would hate running around with you on those shopping days.
Can your BFF coordinate her daily life successfully without going into a flat spin about the printer not working properly?
Is your BFF capable of being your support system every second of every day?
And lastly, is your BFF a decent public speaker who can write a decent speech for the wedding?
If you answer no to even one of these questions, chances are your BFF is not your best choice for the job. The important fact to remember is that despite what your mom might believe, it is YOUR big day and you very much deserve the best that life can offer. Anyone who is inconsistent with this theory should plain and simply sit down so you can see and choose the person standing behind them. So who else would be good for the job? Maybe someone else you’re close with, but not as close with, who happens to be the most organized put-together person you know. Or how about your sister? If you have one, she probably the only person besides your BFF who will think the stress is worth it. Finally, maybe make a nice gesture by offering to give the position to your soon-to-be sister-in-law. She might just be the perfect gal to make your day the best.
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(Featured Image via South Bound Bride)