It may sound strange, but I think our BFFs are the litmus test of whether or not we’re in a healthy romantic relationship.
It’s hard not to be defensive of our significant others. Furthermore, if a BFF disapproves of your SO and outwardly shows it, you might start to think that they’re jealous that you found somebody, or that they’re insecure in their own relationship. But more often than not, a BFF who doesn’t like your SO is a BFF who thinks you can do a lot better.
You shouldn’t date someone who doesn’t get along with your vinas. All your besties want is for you to be happy. They have your best interests in mind and can always be trusted to steer you in the right direction. That means if they think someone is perfect for you, they probably are.
In every case that I’ve disliked one of my best friends’ significant others, something about their relationship was unhealthy. In high school, a vina of mine had a boyfriend who wouldn’t pay any attention to her unless they were alone together. My college roommate’s boyfriend always put her down for following her dreams of pursuing art. Another friend had a boyfriend who was so emotionally abusive, he controlled her car and her bank account! As her close friend, I knew that this person wouldn’t be a good companion for her.
A good significant other is one that pushes you to be a better person, and all of my vinas’ SOs that I disliked tend to bring out the worst in my friends. One vina insisted that her boyfriend come along on our friend group’s reunion trip to our alma mater. For the duration of the entire trip, he made it clear that he didn’t want to be there. He refused to pick me and another friend up from the airport (she had just flown in from England), he constantly tried to make us pay for gas, and he barely hung out with us at all that weekend — which meant that we barely saw his girlfriend, our friend. The trip highlighted what bothered our friend group about him: that he could be selfish, and he made our vina more selfish by proxy instead of bringing out the best in her.
However, there are great SOs like my BFF’s husband. He went out of his way to get to know his wife’s besties when he first met us. Now, because of that, he’s our friend, too. He’s picked me up from the airport, he’ll sleep on the couch when I crash at their place if he knows me and my BFF will be up late talking, even made plans with me to see Pride and Prejudice and Zombies– we both love Victorian literature. If you’re lucky enough to have an SO that wants to hang out with your friends, that’s the best kind.
My BFF’s husband is an honorary vina, and the reason we get along so well is that we bond over one of the things we love most in the world: my best friend. He’s perfect for her in his way, and I’m perfect for her in mine. It makes sense that we get along — and that’s the way it should be.
Tell us about your experiences with your vinas’ significant others. Also, don’t forget to download the Hey! VINA app
(Featured image via Pinterest)