I’m sure we can all think of someone who often says things that can come across as mean or offensive, even if they are not meant to. However, some people do mean it and that can be pretty tricky to decipher. Is it your own sensitivity? Or are they truly intending to upset you? Here are a few signs to look out for to help you decide for yourself.
HOW DO THEY RESPOND?
When confronted about their apparent negativity, someone who is a true friend will not dismiss your feelings. They won’t tell you that you’re silly, or that they were “just joking.” Even if this is how they feel privately, if they truly care about you they will acknowledge the hurt they may have caused (accidental or not), apologizing for whatever they said/ did.
IT KEEPS HAPPENING
If you have told your friend that their behaviour upsets you, or you have visibly appeared upset by their treatment of you (or others), but they carry on without proper acknowledgment or attempts towards change… they are probably doing it deliberately. The definition of mean is when someone deliberately hurts another (emotionally or physically), so maybe it’s time to let that meany go.
TURNING OTHERS AGAINST YOU
Unless it’s an inside joke between you and all of your vinas, no one should be talking sh** behind your back. Continual gossip and drama together can be one hell-of-a weapon; they can cause character assassination and life-threatening insecurities. Every one of us should know by now that we are to “treat people the way that we want to be treated.” So, if you don’t want your vinas slandering you on the daily, don’t do it (and also get rid of the bops who would do it to you).
Obviously we all get annoyed with our friends sometimes and we need to be able to talk to others about our thoughts and feelings; however, if you consistently hear that your friend has been saying truly mean things about you (not just little annoyances), ditch ’em.
If you are still unsure whether your specific vina falls into these categories, talk it over with someone else who really knows you. A family member or trusted friend is ideal; someone who knows both of you is even better. These people will know your personality and know if you are responding in a way that is overly sensitive or if your response seems appropriate to the situation. It is helpful, in all walks of life, to have a second opinion; someone who may be able to look at the situation in a more calm and emotionless way than you may be capable of.
Friends are supposed to tell you what’s-what (especially when you’re being sensitive), but overall your vinas need to be supportive. They tell you what you need to hear in the best possible way and they always take your feelings into consideration.
Sensitivity is not something to be ashamed of; we all respond differently in the way we respond in any given situation. Hopefully if your friend is being just a little impolite, uncivil, discourteous, you can probably sort it out. Best wishes!
If you can’t sort things out, put your emotional health first and find a new bff. Download the Hey! VINA app to find a better friend.
(Feature image via GIPHY)