Break-ups are just plain hard. And that will never change. But there is something uniquely difficult about one of your girls choosing to cut themselves out of your life. It’s different from a failing romantic relationship. Which is why it was such a shock to my system when one of my best girlfriends (let’s call her Jill) since 9th grade sent me the notorious break-up message. We’ve chosen opposing paths in life and she no longer feels it’s appropriate to stay friends because of our new found differences.
Jill’s reasoning was baffling. Though I had often disagreed with her life choices I stood by her through thick and thin. No matter how contrasting our points of view became I had her back. Needless to say, Jill’s tap out to opposition stung. #Ouch.
But, I have to admit that she was right in some ways. We grew up in the same cookie cutter town where ‘fitting in’ reigned supreme. And, she just happened to like the things that were socially acceptable: church on Sundays, pink lace and scallops, modest dress at all times. Me? Well, I rapidly ran wild with the wind. Maybe we didn’t have anything in common anymore.
So on came the feelings of loneliness. Like one of my support beams had just totally fallen out from under me. After grappling with the initial hurt I realized there are ways to cope with the pain of loosing one of your besties. And, much like in any other break-up eventually you’ll stop feeling the sting of the pain. You’ll get a little bit stronger day by day.
LET IT OUT
Girl, I don’t know how you vent but however you do it… do you. For me it was sitting in shock with my mouth open for the better part of 10 minutes staring at my phone, then talking my boyfriend’s ear off about it for an hour. (Thanks, babe!) But that’s just me. Whatever your process is go for it. Eat the ice cream, cry the tears, or scream into that pillow. But whatever YOU need to do to be one with your feelings then do it. Ignoring them or bottling them up won’t help.
Now is the time to call on the rest of your squad. Even if you’re the type of girl that doesn’t like asking for help, it looks like you’re going to have to suck it up and ask for some! I’m totally that girl but having other friends around me (even our mutual friends) was a huge help in feeling that I wouldn’t be alone just because I lost one member of my squad. Remind yourself that you have people that have your back. Or, lean on family. They’ll always be there (for better or worse)!
Did you have a part in the separation? It takes two to tango. Now that you’ve had reasonable time to feel bad about it you can start logically thinking about it. It’s a great time to look at yourself and see how you could’ve been and will be a better friend. Were there things that you should take responsibility for in your bestie break-up? If so, then take responsibility for those things. For some that might mean an apology or it might just be silently knowing yourself. But don’t beat yourself up! There is a difference between taking responsibility and negative self-talk. Know you’re not perfect, and resolve to be the best you can be.
LET IT GO
It’s done. The storm has passed and now you can continue about your day in a normal fashion. I’m not saying that your heart will be exactly as it was before making memories with this person… but at this point you can begin to heal. Move on and find another girl to join the squad. And you know, Hey! VINA can help. 😉
How do you find a silver lining in a bestie break up? Tell us in the comments!
(Feature image via Disposable Magazine)