It’s a tale as old as time, the on-again-off-again relationship. Wait – hold up I meant to say friendship. Yes vinas, you know it’s true! It’s a tricky situation, but before you look for a solution, you want to diagnose the friendship. What I mean is that you need to determine what is causing your friendship to wither away. People drift apart for so many reasons, so keep in mind that whatever reason you have for your lack of effort in the friendship, your friend has their own obstacles to deal with. So first and foremost, you have to-
When we’re dealing with our own hectic lives, it’s really difficult to even sympathize with other people’s problems. But this is crucial to keeping friendships alive! When it comes to these on-again-off-again friendships, try not to place blame on your friend. It may feel like you are putting in way more effort than they are, but remember they could feel the exact same way! When you start pointing the finger at each other, the friendship is headed down a dark path so don’t let yourself become resentful. Put yourself in your friend’s shoes.
COMMUNICATE- LIKE ACTUALLY THOUGH
Okay I know it’s 2017 and all of our texting games are on point. We got them gifs, emojis, bitmojis– so yeah, it’s easy to “communicate” without even communicating. But the thing with on-again-off-again friendships is that they’re fragile. And cute little emojis make it really easy to flake on those friendships. What I recommend is talk to each other. When you make plans, make sure to call each other because that inadvertently makes those plans a priority in your mind. If you’re both just too busy to hang out, talk on the phone to catch up. I mean hey, I used to talk on the phone with friends for hours in high school- let’s go back to the good ole’ days. Okay no one has time for hours on the phone, but seriously call each other!
MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER
Yeah, yeah, it’s a lot easier said than done. But if you truly value this friendship, prove it! Instead of going to the gym one day, put a couple hours aside to grab coffee with your friend- or better yet, workout together. I can’t stress this enough, friendships are really hard to maintain when you don’t see each other. Sometimes, it feels like making plans is so much work, but we have to make time for what’s important. Even if you’re both ridiculously busy, run errands together! Trust me, grocery shopping or going to the laundromat is a lot more fun with a friend anyway!
Vinas, we’ve all been in complicated friendships, but the most important thing is to decide how much we value the relationship. While it’s really helpful to empathize, communicate, and hang out, remember that just like an on-again-off-again relationship, you can breakup. It’s a sad truth, but you don’t feel too bad about a friendship if you are both ready to move on. It’s just a matter of deciding what you want. So vinas, if you know you want to keep your on-again-off-again friendship on, empathize, communicate, and make time for each other!
Ever been in this situation? Tell us in the comments!