I have a friend who I get along with well, has the same ambitions as me, and is supportive to an extent I’ve never seen, but for some reason, our friendship has hit a plateau. As much as I feel like I’m trying to get to know her better, things still seem a little stilted.
If so, you and I are in the same frustrating boat. This boat gets a little lonely, so I decided to try some new ways to get to know my friend better.
SPEND MORE TIME WITH HER
Okay, don’t look at me like I’m crazy. I know what you’re thinking, “Duh, that’s how you get to know her better.” And you’re right. But for people like me who deal with a little social anxiety, it’s not always such an easy task.
Start small—grab coffee together, work on homework. Putting in an effort to be friends with her won’t go unnoticed, and it earns friendship points!
FIND COMMON GROUND
Although, in theory, you know this person is a great friend for you, you still might not know much about her aside from the basics. Do you guys binge the same shows? Like the same books? Obsess over the same bands? Common ground! Once you guys know what you have in common, you’ll have things to talk about and catch up on, opening a gate for better conversation.
As you get closer, what can stifle a friendship easiest is the hesitance to open up. No one’s saying this is easy; it never is. But being honest about your experiences and struggles does a few things. One, it makes us seem human. No one wants to be friends with a robot or coaster, a.k.a. someone who just floats through life. Two, it encourages our friend to be open, too. Opening the door to being support systems for one another pushes your friendship from less superficial to more meaningful.
IF IT HAPPENS, GREAT
If not, it’s okay. Yes, it’s frustrating to have friendships that are stuck on superficial, but not everyone can be your ride or die. Keep swiping on Hey! VINA and hopefully you’ll find your match!
Do you have any tips for combating superficial friendships? Share below!
(Feature image via @krissy)