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BREAKING THE AWK SILENCE AFTER A FIGHT

How to get over a stale mate with your friend:

So, you and your vina have had an argument. But you’ve decided that you want to make it up, here are some tips on how to do it:

REFLECT AND CONSIDER

Firstly you need to be able (or at least try) to look at the situation from your vina’s point of view and understand why she acted or reacted in the way in she did. If you try and reconcile with her without understanding her, there’s a strong possibility that she will become more angry or upset, as she won’t feel that you are properly sincere in your attempt to become friends again.

Following on from this, when talking to her don’t make it sound as though you are the victim and she is the enemy, or the other way round. What you should do is accept that you both hurt each other intentionally or unintentionally, but make it super clear her friendship means so much to you that you want to work through your differences and difficulties to become friends again. However, if you now realize that you said something that was very offensive to her and that is what sparked the animosity between you two then it may be good to admit this, to show that you understand how hurt she was.

KEEP IT IRL

It’s a good idea to talk to your vina face-to-face about the situation between the two of you, even if the original confrontation happened online. This way, you can be more clear about your feelings and it will be easier to negotiate and know where you stand with each other. Obviously this isn’t always possible as your vina might live in another city or even another country, so in these cases it is best to call or Skype (let’s admit it – apologies over text barely count).

Another thing it is good to avoid is posting about the argument on social media (yes, that includes sub-tweeting) as this can cause it to become more toxic than is necessary and can lead to more people being involved. If it is too late for that, then delete the posts and apologize to her. If other people have got involved, due to social media or other means, then leave them out of it for now and just focus on getting things cool with you and your vina first.

BE REALISTIC

Finally, it’s important to note that, despite your best efforts, you may not be able to mend your friendship or restore it to its former strength. There may be some situations where either you or your vina decide that what has happened between you hurt too much and it’s best to just let the friendship go. In these cases it’s best to be open and understanding to your vina, if this is what she’s decided then you have to accept it. If she later decides to reach out again, you can decide how to respond to that, but it has to be initiated by her. If you are the one who has decided this then you need to be clear and firm (but kind) with your vina to make sure she fully understands the scenario.

Have you ever had to take the high road to get over a fight with your friend? Tell us about it in the comments!

(Feature image via @nanajudy_)

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