Connect Friendship Advice

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR VINA BRINGS HER S/O EVERYWHERE

Friendships and romantic relationships have a long history of not getting along. The territory between the two can be tricky to navigate, especially if the relationship in question isn’t yours. While you are happy that your vina is happy, you’re sad that you are no longer her first choice when it comes to making plans. To make things worse, when you do make plans, you’re not alone – your vina’s partner is along for the ride. Here are some tips for addressing the problem without creating a bigger one:

TALK IT OUT

A little bit of honesty can go a long way. Talk to your friend about how the constant presence of her S/O makes you feel. The key here is to speak about your feelings without accusing her of causing them. Even if your friend seems like she is being oblivious to you and doesn’t care about the time you spend together, it is important to remember that love makes us blind. Instead of being accusatory, be exploratory. Use your voice to explore different ways you can include your friend’s significant other, and set boundaries for when it is simply vina time. You can’t be mad about your friend neglecting your wishes if you never share them with her!

WAIT IT OUT

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(Photo courtesy of Harli Marten) 

Especially if your vina is starting a new relationship, you might have to give her some time and space to figure out her priorities. Try to place yourself in your friend’s shoes and understand where she is coming from. You can be patient without being passive. Use your judgement to decide when to let her know it’s her turn to consider your feelings. Stray away from making her feel guilty, and attempt to make her empathetic to the position she has put you in by constantly having her significant other around. Being kind and conscious of how you handle the situation will help her see how her relationship is interfering with your friendship in a way that allows for constructive change.

GO WITHOUT

If your vina is still clueless after you have spoken your mind and been patient, it’s time to really give her the hint. Use this as an opportunity to strengthen other friendships and relations in your life, or to find new ones. It is no fun to be relying on a friend that is prioritizing their significant other. Your absence will tell her things that mere words cannot. 

THE BREAKUP

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(Photo courtesy of Kristopher Roller)

If the relationship ends in shambles, your initial reaction might be to say “I told you so.” While it is sometimes satisfying to be petty, it won’t make you or your vina feel any better. This is a time to be there for your vina while laying out the rules for the next relationship. Point out the ways that her attachment to her s/o could have contributed to their demise. Show her just how much she needs girl time, and why friends are more reliable than flings.

While your feelings may be hurt due to your friend’s lack of consideration, keeping open communication is the only way to maintain the friendship. If you don’t want to lose a friend over their lover, do all you can on your end to be real, patient, and a good vina. When your vina is no longer blinded by love, she will see that you were there for her the whole time, and will appreciate you putting up with her shit!

(Featured Image Courtesy of Hercampus.com)

I am a college student studying in San Francisco, CA. Being a transplant from New Jersey in a city as unique as SF has proven to be very fun and interesting. I continue to grow every day through my writing, experiences, and friendships. It is my pleasure to share some of what I have learned with you :)

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