Have you ever had an acquaintance that is super enthusiastic to be besties, but you don’t feel like you’ve hit it off to #squadgoals status? According to Shasta Nelson, there are four different ways women bond. These describe what we each require to feel close to someone. It goes some way to explaining the instant vibes you may feel with someone, or the people you get deep with slower. It also explains why sometimes there’s a difference in perceived closeness between friends. In other words it’s a super interesting look at women’s friendships.

Read up on the four bonding styles below!

PLAYFUL

These vinas tend to be creative, fun-loving, optimistic, spontaneous, and bond over shared interests and doing activities together. Think you’ve got a playful friend on your hands? Schedule a girl-date doing something you both enjoy, like yoga or hiking. If you’re not feeling the active vibes, try a cooking class or go to an exhibition or event. You’ll be besties in no time!

SUPPORTIVE

Team work is number one for these gals. They are loyal, responsible, thoughtful, hard working and expect their friends to share these values. Supportive ladies want to feel like everyone is contributing and participating in whatever is going on, including your relationship. Strengthen these bonds by being an active participant, whether it’s coordinating plans, asking thoughtful questions, or offering to help them with something!

EMPATHETIC

Our empathetic friends are idealistic, romantic, deep-feeling, and passionate. They tend to bond over deep and meaningful conversations about each other’s lives, ideas, and feelings. To bond with these ladies, be interested in their stories and delve deep, asking lots of questions about their lives and showing your empathetic side. Also, don’t be scared to confide in your new friend, too! They thrive off giving advice and sharing feelings.

INTELLECTUAL

Rational, strategic, and pragmatic women bond over intellectual thinking – discussions on politics, technology, economics, and problem solving. It’s important for these friends to feel valued for their ideas and they tend to bond with those who can think for themselves and engage in these kinds of discussions.  If you’re like me, and politics and economics aren’t your thing, engage them in a conversation on a topic that you’ve thought deeply about (the current state of the world, conspiracy theories, literature, theology, and science are some personal faves) and they will respect your strong point of view and interest in abstract topics.

Some of these might not be your cup of tea, but everyone is different and it’s our differences that offer a fresh perspective and make things interesting! By identifying your own bonding style and the preferences of those around you, you will be able to seize opportunities to bond with your friends in ways that will be meaningful to you both.

Which bonding type are you and your friends? Let us know in the comments below, and take one of our personality quizzes on Hey! VINA to find out more about your friendship style!

(Feature image via @nattie_pearl)