From boyfriends and breakups to bachelorette parties and marriage – you’ve been through it all together. You’ve seen each other at your best and worst, and supported one another through the good times and bad. She’s your girl, your sister, your VINA.
Suddenly, she’s about to become a mom. How is that even possible? Just yesterday you were ordering pizza in your studio apartment and watching hours upon hours of Dawson’s Creek reruns. So where does a baby fit into all this?
This new dynamic will be tricky, but it is critical to accept one thing before entering unchartered territory: your relationship will change. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. This will just be another amazing milestone you get to be a part of. Here are some things to help you not only adjust, but be the best support you can to your bestie as she enters motherhood:
“IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME” ACTUALLY APPLIES.
She loves you-she does, but she is just so. darn. tired. This isn’t like that time you stayed up all night dancing on the bar. This is extended sleep deprivation; so less like girls’ night out and more like prison torture. Not only is your BFF’s ability to operate heavy machinery in question, but it’s likely that she can’t remember what you said two seconds ago. And forget about looking presentable or speaking in complete coherent sentences because motherhood is hard. Like really, really hard. The latest drama in your life isn’t uninteresting or insignificant to her, she just doesn’t have the energy to spare on it right now. The best thing you can do as her bestie is remain patient and don’t take it personally. Know that you will get some of that attention back, at some point.
YOU ARE NOW NUMBER TWO.
This is will definitely take some getting used to. Even when she got married, she would easily ditch the hubby for a girls’ night. But no longer. It’s just not possible. Not only is this new human the all-consuming center of her universe, but Baby can’t eat, poop, sleep, or sit up without some assistance from Mom. If and or when you have your own, you’ll understand but until then, try to accept the fact that you are no longer number one. And know that it’s not because of something you did. It’s just how it works.
IT GETS DARK.
Unfortunately, the identity crisis, postpartum depression, and anxiety can get very, very real. You know better than anyone that she’s used to being a strong, independent woman. Whether she’s in the workplace or the kitchen she can fend for herself. She has always done what she wanted, when she wanted and never cared if the world judged her. But now, she has a whole other person hanging on her all day and night. Her body is no longer her own and she needs your support now more than ever. Inquire but don’t push, and recognize that there’s likely more going on than you’re seeing.
GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY.
Asking for help can be hard for a strong woman. So when you visit your friend, insist on helping whether or not she asks. And that doesn’t mean rocking and shushing a cute baby for twenty minutes. Help with the dishes, fold the laundry, or bring her dinner. She’s used to doing it all, but now there’s so much more to handle. This is when you swoop in as the bestie that you are and shine during the difficult and ugly moments.
The days ahead will be different and at times, challenging. Binge-watching reruns may no longer be possible. But oh, the new possibilities! Not only do you get to watch your VINA grow and flourish into a beautiful mom, but you get to become the coolest auntie to her new little one. So, be understanding and flexible and know that while your relationship may be different, it may also be a million times more fun.
How has motherhood brought you and your BFF closer? Tell us in the comments!