I didn’t ask, so don’t tell me.
Well, that isn’t the most polite way to reject someone’s advice but sometimes it’s exactly what you want to say when someone offers you their unsolicited opinion on a problem you’re trying to figure out. It’s true that sometimes we vent to our vinas about our problems but it isn’t always to seek guidance, sometimes it’s just to air your frustration and whether your vina knows it or not but she can complicate things for you by adding her two cents. So, how do we respectfully decline her advice? Here’s a few things to keep in mind.
THANKS (BUT NO THANKS)
They love you so the advice is coming from a good place. At their core they only want what is safe, smart and less stressful for you. It doesn’t cross their mind that the advice they offer, that you didn’t ask for, could complicate that. We love our vinas and we don’t want to shut them out so the best way to respectfully decline their advice is to start with a thank you. It let’s them know that they are valued.
Another way to let them know you hear them and that you understand that didn’t intend to impede is simply say, “I’ll think about it.” It’s short and simple and let’s them know that you’ll at least consider what they offer.
SET SOME BOUNDERIES
Never be afraid to set boundaries in any relationship, platonic or otherwise. It’s okay to let your friend know that you have this under control and that what you’re doing or what you decide to do will work fine for you. Now put these together, combine for the mess proof response to unsolicited advice.
“Thank you for your input, I’m glad that worked for you, but I think I know what I’m going to do.”
“Thank you for letting me know what you think, but I think I’m going to do this because it works for me.”
“Thank you, but I like how I do things.”
When you combine these elements you have the perfect response that helps you set the standard for your friendship as well as let your friend know they are still valued. It’s the perfect formula to reject advice, respectfully.
What do you say to a vina when she gives well-intentioned, but unsolicited advice? Tell us in the comments!