We’ve previously reported on studies that say that around 25 is when friendships seem to get a little complicated. After reading the article in the VINAzine about this occurrence, I began to think about the vinas in my life and how different our friendships are today compared to five or ten years ago. While friends may not necessarily become a totally different person, eventually either yours or their lifestyles will change.
At 25 I’m in a weird limbo where it seems all of my friends lives are transitioning. Commonality is what brought some of my closest vinas into my life initially. At some point when we met, we were on the same playing field; dancing away late nights, working flexible service industry jobs, talking about our dating lives, and just being the kind of carefree you’re able to be as a young adult.
Now, I’m getting married. Some of my friends have fully settled families while others are wildly single. Some have office jobs, others are still students. It seems that with every passing day, the ways in which our lifestyles intersect are growing fewer.
But, this isn’t bad news! What I’ve found is simply maintaining a friendship with a vina different than you just requires a little more nuance.
1. ACCEPT CHANGE
You need to be OK with change: not just the change in your life, but the changes in your vina’s lives. Suddenly you’re going to be in a weird place where your hamburger loving vina discovers vegetarianism and yoga. In fact, you need to be more than OK with these changes, you need to be supportive because that is what friends do!
2. BE FLEXIBLE
When you’re childless but your best vina has a baby (or 2 or 3!) you’re going to need to do some emotional and scheduling stretching. Dinner & drinks after work might no longer work for a mom, so try to pick an event and time that’s kid friendly. In my experience having a vina with a baby is a great excuse to let your own inner child out! Hello zoo trips!
3. SUPPORT HER NEW VINAS
You need to support your vinas making new friends: If you can’t be available, or have no interest in your vina’s new lifestyle, that doesn’t mean you can’t still be besties. But it does mean she may look for someone to share those particular experiences with, and that’s ok.
4. BE UNDERSTANDING
You may not be into theater, but your vina has discovered that it’s her calling in life and now moonlights at the local black box. I’m not saying you need to audition with her, but when she has a performance you should try to make at least one!
Keeping your vinas close as your lives change isn’t impossible, but it takes some dedication. Just remember that if it wasn’t worth it, we wouldn’t be vinas to begin with! (Feature image via @zoelaz)